How to Take Care of Compact Discs

Being an avid video game fan, music listener, and reluctant DVD collector, I've mastered the art of taking care of compact discs(I like to call this art "Wang fu"). Unfortunately, most people come off as being clueless when it comes to handling CD's/DVD's/Blu-ray's/Vinyl 2.0's.

Rule #1.) Don't the disc if you have fingerprints. Unless you burned them off by clutching a big old pot filed with boiling water or something, you are only allowed to hold the disc by it's edges. Every PS1 game I ever rented at Blockbuster Video tells me most people ate salty food when handling compact discs.

That was a long time ago. You would think as time goes on, mistakes would be seen and learned from, and maybe I'd stop being so bitter about wasting money on renting a game that was to scratched and gunked up with Cheetos prints to function properly.

Sadly, you'd be wrong on both accounts.

Seeing as some of my favorite PS2 games are scratched beyond repair due to the incompetence of an acquaintance, I feel compelled to make statements that should be seen as obvious to everyone.

By the way, did you know that fire is hot and water has been known to be wet at times? Yup, it's true! If you don't believe me, you can always check out the ole wiki.

First things first: You're fingers actively hate anything shiny. This includes mirrors, glass, NCAA tournament finals moments, etc. Anything that has the ability to catch light and reflect it will send your finger tips into a sweaty/greasy rage.

Scientists are not exactly sure why this happens, but a small group of them got together during a lunch break a few years back, and came to an agreement about this occurrence being true. Fingerprints form on discs are like graffiti on a wall of that newly closed factory in the bad part of town.

Sad thing is, it's not even good graffiti(touching murals or anything by LOOTone). It's more like that obnoxious, lewd and often misspelled graffiti that indicates some loser you never heard of "wuz hearz!" If you don't want to see something like that, think about how the laser of your favorite electronic device would react to such shenanigans.

How does one go about handling a poor, defenseless and psychologically unstable compact disc? Aside form wearing a stylish pair of hazmat gloves, you could try holding the cd/dvd/blu-ray/mini disc/hd dvd/laser disc by it's edges. Data is not stored on a disc's edges. Therefore, those trouble makers you call fingers won't have anything to disrupt when making contact.

Second Tip: Make sure to store your discs in the proper containment unit when not in use. The only CD's that should be used as coasters are those free AOL discs that everyone got spammed with back in the late nineties. Everything else should be kept in a CD case or a sleeve.

Actually, arms are the only things that belong in a sleeve. If you're the type of person who actually needs my guide, you are not yet ready to use highly advanced sleeve technology to store your compact discs. regular CD "jewel" cases are better anyway because the disc is held into place, and the parts were date is stored is elevated above the plastic.

Where as sleeves have the disc toughing cloth or cloth like material, paper, or even some kind of weird woolly substance. What is more likely to scratch a shiny surface: air or cloth? Cloth has a tendency to capture unsightly objects like dirt, and the jewel case won't as long as you leave it closed, and aren't in the middle of a dust storm 24/7.

Final tip: respect other peoples property. If you borrow a movie/game/album/secret plans for a time machine stored on a disc of any kind, don't do anything unbelievably stupid or inconsiderate. Example: Using a David Ruffin CD to play Freebie with your dog. Odds are, the mut won't be the one who gets hit with a rolled up piece of newspaper later on.