How to Take Responsibility for Your Own Behavior

What is the difference between fault and responsibility? Things happen in life that are no one's fault; a sudden ice storm causes your car to slide into the car in front of you. Blame nature, blame the weatherman, blame the highway department; in the end it is your responsibility to pay for the damages. Often people don't want to take responsibility for something if they feel it is not their fault. Actually, the majority of us feel that way the majority of the time. Who wants to take responsibility when responsibility means time, effort, and expense?

We learn from the time we are children to accept blame or assign it to someone else. We all remember a time something broke in the house (and notice I said "something broke", rather than "we broke it"!) and we had to make a decision: do I lie or tell the truth? Usually we come up with something in between; sure I did it, but it was Jimmy's idea to play baseball in the living room. Sometimes we don't have a specific person to blame -- its the fault of the system or society at large. Or McDonalds.

I have also noticed the language people use to diffuse the sense of responsibility - substituting passive voice for active, for example: "The car was dented by the basketball", rather than "I dented your car with my basketball", of "The vase was knocked over", rather than "I knocked over the vase". We tend to blame the objects themselves, as though they tend to fall and fly about on their own -- this deflects the blame onto something else.

I really admire people who admit in a straightforward way when they are responsible. It saves everyone a lot of time trying to search out the truth and shows maturity. Besides, once people see that you take responsibility for your mistakes, they will be more likely to believe your responsibility for accomplishments as well.

So if you have made a mistake, apologize, and do it correctly. A lot of people tend to diffuse the blame with their word choices: "I'm sorry you got offended", or even worse, "I'm sorry you think I was being rude". This makes it seem as though the other person is at fault for their own feelings. Instead say, "I'm sorry I acted inappropriately", or "I'm sorry for my rude behavior". It will be much more appreciated and accepted as a true apology.