How to Talk to Your Anorexic Daughters:They May Have Correctable Health Imbalances

Tantra Bensko
Of course, all cases are different, but for the most part, anorexic girls are known to be the more highly motivated, talented, intelligent Caucasian adolescents, from higher income level families who have come to expect perfection. However, your individual anorexic daughter needs you to look into what unique characteristics have led to this imbalance. Genetics influence the development of Anorexia. Half the risk of developing anorexia eating disorder may be inherited. While being this sort of daughter in this sort of family and genetics may predispose her to being very careful about how she looks, health problems may be changing her body shape in ways that are causing your daughter to try to compensate by going into Anorexia Nervosa, in which she starves herself unduly.

If the Anorexia Nervosa is not too severe, your daughter may be at least saving herself from overeating unhealthy foods, may be overdoing her thinness only to the point of eccentric beauty. If she has a mild case, don't over react. What looks like Anorexia Nervosa may simply be your daughter's desire or natural propensity for slenderness. If she skips meals, rebels against eating all you cook for meals, counts calories, and works out often, she may be just healthy, and chosing a different relationship to her body than you have. If this is possibly all it is, you may want to avoid bringing up the topic in any dramatic way. But if you can, just casually rap with her about it, talking about your own feelings as well as hers.

If her Anorexia seems moderate to severe, you can get to her by what means most to her-her weight. You have to go about this in a way that can let her know you are not the enemy, as you may represent something to her. You may be overweight yourself, which scares her, or you may be obsessed with your weight, which teaches her, or you may represent too much food coming towards her. The more you can accommodate her desire to look good, the better. Look at your own issues around weight and balance them as much as possible. If you do any of the meal preparation in your family, as you serve healthier foods to them, you will balance your own nutritional needs, making it easier to be a good role model for her. The healthier her diet, the more her brain will be able to perceive her weight correctly.

Many anorexics concentrate on how they look at the moment, but if you can show them the facts about how lowering their metabolism into requiring few calories will affect them for the rest of their lives, they may think twice about their choices. See how much you can get your daughter to focus on weight control through exercise rather than overdieting. If she exercises, she will raise her metabolism, rather than lower it. Once the metabolism is lowered at such a formative age, over a long period, eating remains problematic, and weight control is always difficult. Few calories can be tolerated, the thyroid loses some of its function, the body learns to hold onto fat, and she will not be able to take in enough nutrition through her food.

Anorexia can come on because of health issues that bloat her body, or her abdomen. She may have a problem with parasites, for example. As nearly everyone could benefit by a parasite purge, you can suggest that she do that, and make sure she gets plenty of fiber during the process to wash the parasites out. That may flatten her stomach enough over time that she won't feel she needs to diet to keep that concave look. She could be suffering from edema from a variety of reasons, and nutritional deficiencies could be contributing to that. Let her know you are on her side by researching whatever could be causing her edema, bloating from gas, or infestation such as parasites or Candida. Candida is a common cause of the body looking and feeling rounded and out of control. If she shows any signs of it, such as a white coated tongue, enlarged pores in a puffy face, craving for sweets and fermented foods, spaciness, vaginal yeast infections, and so on, talk with her about how to take control of her body through controlling her Candida. She will be very grateful to and such allergies cause bloating from gas as well as edema from water retention and mucus overproduction. If she is vegetarian, she may be low on the amino acid Taurine, which could be causing edema. People giving advice about anorexia to parents generally omit this kind of focus, but as a former anorexic, I feel this is extremely important to look at in your daughter's unique health situation.

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome may be entertwined with Anorexia. In their study, (Patchell et al, Acta Neurol Scand 1994 Feb;89(2):111-6) researched 100 patients with Anorexia Nervosa. Neurologic difficulties occurred in 47 anorexics. Neuromuscular abnormalities showed up in 45% of patients. Overall muscular weakness presented itelf in 43% of patients and peripheral neuropathies in 13. The researchers discovered that most of the time, the neurological issues normalized after correction for nutritional deficiencies electrolyte imbalances. This shows us perhaps a relationship between CFS, or M.E., Myalgic Encephalomylitis. Abnormal neurotransmitters, hormone malfunctioning both have been found to be significantly higher in Anorexics in other studies. The cause and effect would be interesting to explore.

Anorexia can lead to serious health issues, and it may also be caused by imbalances you can address, in the role of a good friend who wants to help her have a flat abdomen, and remain slender in the future. Concentrating on these approaches may help her listen to you, and you may cure far more than your daughter's Anorexia that way.you if you can be her friend and find a way to look the way she really should, out of the clutches of imbalance. Candida can cause her to have more allergies, but Candida or no, looking at allergies is an excellent step in finding a way to help her body be as she wants it, so she doesn't have to overdo it with Candida to reach the hourglass figure she wants. The most common allergens are dairy and wheat, and such allergies cause bloating from gas as well as edema from water retention and mucus overproduction. If she is vegetarian, she may be low on the amino acid Taurine, which could be causing edema. People giving advice about anorexia to parents generally omit this kind of focus, but as a former anorexic, I feel this is extremely important to look at in your daughter's unique health situation.

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome may be entertwined with Anorexia. In their study, (Patchell et al, Acta Neurol Scand 1994 Feb;89(2):111-6) researched 100 patients with Anorexia Nervosa. Neurologic difficulties occurred in 47 anorexics. Neuromuscular abnormalities showed up in 45% of patients. Overall muscular weakness presented itelf in 43% of patients and peripheral neuropathies in 13. The researchers discovered that most of the time, the neurological issues normalized after correction for nutritional deficiencies electrolyte imbalances. This shows us perhaps a relationship between CFS, or M.E., Myalgic Encephalomylitis. Abnormal neurotransmitters, hormone malfunctioning both have been found to be significantly higher in Anorexics in other studies. The cause and effect would be interesting to explore.

Anorexia can lead to serious health issues, and it may also be caused by imbalances you can address, in the role of a good friend who wants to help her have a flat abdomen, and remain slender in the future. Concentrating on these approaches may help her listen to you, and you may cure far more than your daughter's Anorexia that way.

Published by Tantra Bensko

I am a writing teacher through UCLA Extension, Writers College, and my own Academy at Sclipio, and a writer, artist, LucidPlay leader, hypnotherapist. See my DVD set, Tantric Lucidity, and books, Tantric Met...  View profile

  • Anorexics may have a variety of health issues causing bloating, leading them to starve.
  • Candida can lead to bloating, which can cause a girl to diet unduly to main a flat abdomen.
  • Allergies and parasites are two other health issues that can lead to girls dieting too stringently.
About half of anorexia has been found to be genetic.

12 Comments

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  • sue4/28/2012

    Ihave two daughters with anorexia and am finding the pressure too much it breaks my heart just to know my girls feel they need to put thier beautiful bodies through this i am unbelievably sad.

  • Charlotte4/24/2011

    You're stupid

  • Tantra Bensko8/25/2009

    I do have experience of the disorder. I was the anorexic daughter. If I had known then what I said in this article, about why I may have been bloated due to parasites, candida, allergies, etc., how I was making myself have a weight problem by taking my metabolism down, etc., I would have no longer been anorexic. I didn't know why, though I was 85 pounds and very tall, my body shape was changing. All I knew was to eat less. If I'd known then what I said in this article, my whole life would have been significantly improved.
    I definitely appreciate the comments of the guests, and welcome any diverse ideas on the subject. Being careful with comments so as not to make it worse can be something to consider for sure. However, maybe just watching for allergic symptoms, candida symptoms, giving foods or supplements that kill parasites, and changing the diet accordingly to relieve such issues, "sneakily" may help quite a bit, if your daughter has the same kind of anorexia I did.

  • Amy8/25/2009

    I agree that you seem to know very little on the subject. With all due respect, talking to your anorexic daughter may well make the disease take a stronger grip on her if she learns that her behaviours have got your attention- that doesn't mean that she is attention seeking, it just means that it re-enforces those behaviours if she experiences something that she "translates" as "praise", however masked. Once you are in an anorexic decline, it doesn't matter one jot to you what damage you are doing to your body. When I was anorexic, I purposely wanted to hurt myself as much as possible.

    Leave the lectures and the talking about the illness up to the medical professionals; please. Well-meaning parents with no experience of the disorder can very easily say something that can actually be very damaging; for example, "You look too thin" is hugely damaging to an anorexic and can make the illness massively worse. Let her know that if she ever wants to talk about anything that is troubling he

  • Rivkeh3/12/2009

    The severity of Anorexia Nervosa must not be determined by weight alone. In addition, BMI calculator generally used is too general to account for the variety of body frames. My daughter has suffered with this deadly illness for four years. We have kept her alive through re-feeding at home and now hospital keeps her alive. When discharged, and partially weight restored through hospital re-feeding, there is an assumption from some that she is 'okay now.' Far from it. In her case, upon discharge she stops eating all together, and is soon back in hospital (average of a week). After 9 months of hospitalization, my daughter is sadly becoming institutionalised. As much as she wants with all her heart to study at university, at the moment AN is just taking up too much of the space in her head. As a parent of a sufferer with severe AN, it is difficult to describe how the family is torn apart, how you live with 24/7 anxiety and stress over whether she will actually survive, how you are

  • Tantra Bensko11/15/2008

    to continue... of kidney issues, or possibly spleen, even adrenal, that cause edema. if she's anorexic, she'll feel you are on her side, and may take your advice to try to get over those things so she can have the proportions she wants. then, she won't need to lose weight, as she'll feel good about her shape. she should look into chinese medicine's descriptions of over/under energy in the meridians. if she balances those with herbs, food choices, etc, or do a colon cleanse, parasite cleanse, stop eating wheat/dairy, etc. she may improve in a way she understands, and it won't be a battle.
    best wishes. email if you like. flameflower@runbox.com.

  • Tantra Bensko11/15/2008

    hello, tally,
    you're right that begging her and talking about it a lot won't be good for your relationship. anorexia is more common in younger women, so since her weight loss is happening only now, maybe she is just trying to lose weight, rather than having an illness. if she does, she can't see what size she is, is perfectionistic, and may be trying to find love through being as thin as she feels she needs to be. unless you're saying she's losing weight strictly because of stress, which isn't anorexia nervosa, though still something to be concerned about.
    if you found my article helpful, i'd focus on that method of trying to help her for awhile. if she is indeed trying to lose weight, she may have the problems i discussed here. she may have some bloating in the abdomen which comes from stress, parasites, candida, alleriges, colon impurities and spasms. so if she is listening to you at all, you can mention those things and how they can cause bloating, or see if she has symptoms o

  • Your name11/15/2008

    Sorry, i mean I am scared for my daughter not of her. I just get so upset. I dont want to ruin our relationship but have tried talking, begging and writing to her on this subject.

  • Tally11/15/2008

    My daughter is 32. I think she is anorexic. I see her often. She looses weight every few days and has done since March. I try to discuss this with her. She isnt interested and gets very defensive. She has a high flying career and is not married and doesnt have children. She lives alone and I am scared of her. We were estranged for a long time and reunited earlier this year. Im unsure of what I can do to help her and she is shrinking before my eyes. I know she has a very stressful work schedule and try to help all I can but she is too old to force to get treatment and I am desparate.

  • Shine8/25/2008

    I myself skipped meals. I would go for three weeks at a time in high school without eating a bite. I would skip breakfast every day because I would be up early and my parents wouldn't know. Then, I skipped lunch at school. I then skipped dinner on the nights my parents didn't go out to eat, by saying I would take my dinner down to the creek to eat it. I was five foot 7 and 85 pounds. Anorexia Nervosa is generally not about being physically unable, but unwilling. I was anorexic before it was cool, before anyone was talking about it. If I had known what I talk about in this article, at the time, I could have a avoided it. I could have found out why my always flat stomach had gotten a little bloat. I have since been able to help others move out of anorexia and eating disorders and problems with their bodies that develop because of problems such as candida, food allerigies, etc. I don't have a daughter, but care about other people enough to give them advice that their doctors don't.

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