How to Talk to Your Child If You Feel They're Not Ready to Date

Today, it's common to see two young people still in grade school calling one another boyfriend and girlfriend. Indeed, it's commonplace to hear them speak of dating. And what is even scarier is to think that these same young people who consider themselves in a commited relationship or not to be engaging in sexual activity together. How can you as a parent talk to your child when you feel as many parents today do - that they are not ready to date?

It's good to ask your child questions, and ask them in the right way. Here are three good questions you can ask your child that don't put him or her on the spot, but help to draw out their real feelings and help them to use their reasoning powers to draw the right conclusions about this delicate matter!

The first thing to ask them is "why do you want to date?" This can really draw them out, even if they are timid. After they give their reason(s), whether silly or not, help them to see the meaning of dating. Dating is, according to the book Questions Young People Ask, Answers That Work Volume 2, published by Jehovah's Witnesses, "any social activity in which your romantic interest is focused on one particular person and that person's interest in focused on you." So it could be that they are dating someone and don't even realize they are! And it can even include over the phone or through text messaging. Then, help them understand what dating is for: it has a very honorable, even sacred, purpose. It is solely to help a man and woman determine whether they are good for each other to get married. It is not a play activity, or to have someone you can call yours without being married to them. Help your child to see that even though their schoolmates take a totally casual view of dating, it is something that should be carried out later in life when you are ready to get married. Ask your child: "Are you ready to get married?"

That brings about the subject of age and maturity. Ask your child: "What do you think is a good age to get married?" It may be that they put an age that is far off - and if they do, kindly bring to the fore again what dating is for. If they put a number that is really close to the age they are now, help them to understand all the responsibilities that come with marriage, and also the things they will miss out on life if they marry so very young! Marriage is a gift from God, but it is not for those who have much growing left to do.

Help your child to consider their personal self. Marriage will take someone positive, knowledgeable, and who can take care of any children who may come along both emotionally and financially. Speaking of financially, a young person is in no position to care for a child and what often happens is they try to leave the child with mom and pops to take care of. Does that sound like the right thing to your child? Ask them. Also help them to see that you understand the strong attraction there is between boys and girls, and the strong sexual urges your child may be having. But help them to see the value in waiting until they are married.

Indeed, dating is not a trivial matter that can be played with, no matter what the age. Be respectful when speaking with your child, because you want them to feel that you are a person that they can turn to when they want to pour out their heart. Help them, too, to see that there is nothing wrong with enjoying the company of the opposite sex, as this is only natural. But do so in association with many friends, and enjoy your youth while you have it.