How to Talk to Your Child About Seperation or Divorce

Divorce or separation are hard on everyone involved including the children. The effect on a child can be devastating both mentally and physically. The way parents handle the situation is going to affect the family as a hole and as individuals. There is no way to protect your children from the hurt and anxiety. You can however lessen them by being honest and as open as possible.

When you and your spouse make the decision to separate and/or divorce having an age appropriate conversation with your child or children to make them aware of the situation and their involvement will make the transition easier. When you don't talk to children they make their own assumptions. They will assume that the situation is their fault, that their parents are having problems because of them. Sitting down as a family with out assigning any blame or bashing the other parent will ease their feelings of guilt.

Assuring the child or children that parents living apart does not mean that the parents love them less is also a good way of alleviating their fears. The worst thing you could say is that it is the child's fault.

Keeping the household routine as normal as possible will also help in keeping the child or children as secure as possible. This does not mean that you don't make changes it just means that you make intelligent changes. If Daddy always tucks the children in at night then maybe you can substitute a goodnight phone call if feasible. If Mommy usually takes the kids to school but now that is not possible then maybe Mommy puts a special note in the child's lunch box or book bag. There are many things as a parent you can do to make the transition easier. Speaking of school, make sure the teacher or teachers are aware of the situation and that a school counselor is available if the child needs outside help.

When parents are separating or divorcing it is hard to keep the children from hearing things they shouldn't. Try to be mindful that children are sponges they absorb anything they see and hear, be open to questions and give as honest an answer as you can. If your child is not asking questions, it is because they think they already know the answer so make sure you talk to them.

If all of these suggestions are not enough or you, feel the children or the family as a whole will benefit from it seek counseling, while it may not fix what is broken in the marriage