How to Talk to Your Children About Child Abduction

When I was very young, I was almost kidnapped. I was playing in the front yard with some other kids from the neighborhood. Two young men drove up in a blue Camaro and started talking to us. They asked if we had seen their dog and said he was white. I had, in fact, seen a white dog the day before three houses down. I told them this and waited for them to drive off.

"Can you come show us which house?" I pointed to the house three doors down and said that I had seen it right in the front yard of the third house the day before. "Yes," they replied, "but can you come show us?"

I started to get a little angry then because they were interrupting my play. I couldn't understand why they were being so dense. "Three doors down in the front yard!" I yelled, waving my arm in that direction. They insisted I show them the exact spot and, irritated and wanting to be left alone to my game, I started in the direction of the third house down the street.

Some hand of fate struck then and my mother, who had been cooking in the kitchen at the back of the house must have had one of her magical "mommy moments," that instinct all mothers have that something is about to go wrong. She just happened to decide to walk to the front room window and look out at that exact moment.

As I was just about to walk into the mouth of doom, my mother came bursting from the house in a rage. She began shrieking at the men to get away from our house. They tried being polite and told her they were only asking us if we had seen their dog. My mother screamed a few profanities at the young men and they drove away.

I did not realize at the time what had happened and why my mother was so angry. She ushered me into the house and did not let me play outside any more that day. She had a talk with me about how those men could have taken me and about how I was never to talk to strangers. Honestly, I believed that I was at an age where I was smart and safe and that no one would be able to snatch me up. Apparently, I had been wrong. We know now that even an adult can be overpowered and put into a car against their will.

I still shudder to think about that day. Of course it is obvious to me now what those men were doing. The split second decision that my mother made is all that stood between me and goodness-knows-what. I learned a great lesson that day, one that I have passed down to my stepdaughter.

Thinking that my stepdaughter was too young to know the terrors of kidnapping, we did not say anything to her about it other than "don't talk to strangers." One day at the park, she ran away and we could not find her. She had run to another nearby park to play, but we were so terrified for so long that someone had snatched her while she was playing that we made the decision then and there to teach her about safety out of doors.

Do not think that your children are too young to know what kidnapping is because it will scare them. Nothing is further from the truth. Yes, your children will be frightened and this is a good thing, not a bad thing. Parents often work hard to keep their children innocent of the evils of the world. This will not help them. Children need to understand to fear people that they do not know. Raising children to trust strangers but telling them not to talk to them does not work. Children need to understand that strangers can be dangerous.

Have a talk with your kids about why strangers are dangerous. No matter how young they are, it can be explained to them in a way that they can understand. Children should know that strangers can take them away and hurt them or kill them. If the child is too young to understand death, you do not have to use the word "kill." It is important to stress well and often the dangers of speaking to or walking away with a stranger.

Make safety lessons a regular event in your family. These do not have to be serious all of the time. It can be done like a game. When you are shopping or driving in the car and your children are bored and need distracting, you can go over your rules about strangers and why it is important to stay near their parents. The important thing is that children are reminded regularly what they should do if a situation arises.

Make sure children know who to go to if they get lost. Never teach a child to look for a police officer or someone in a uniform. Not only are police officers very rare and difficult to find, but a child can be confused by uniforms and may walk off with someone in a security guard uniform, taxi driver's cap, or even a janitor's outfit. Young children often cannot tell the difference between a police officer and anyone else with a hat or badge.

Children should regularly be reminded to look for someone who may be a safe person to help them find their parents. Safe people include women with children, pregnant women, and usually teenage girls. Children can be asked and reminded regularly to recite who the safe people are. Kids love knowing the right answers, so reminding them is usually fun.

Make sure that children know that if an adult grabs them or picks them up that they should fight as hard as they can and scream "help" as fast and as loud and as much as they can. Too many children are taught to respect grownups and that they are the boss instead of being taught that strangers do not necessarily deserve the same respect as a family member. Children are usually not taught safety precautions and are carried away by strangers because they do not know to scream or to fight.

Make sure that children know how a stranger might get them to go somewhere with them. Some strangers will tell a child that they have some puppies or kittens in their car and would they like to come and see them? Make sure that a child knows that ANY person asking them to leave their parents for any reason is a dangerous person and that they could be lying.

Helping to make kidnapping real for your children can help them to understand that it is not a game or a fantasy. When you hear about children who have gone missing on television or in the news, it is okay to tell your children about it. You do not need to say what happened to the child or how they died (if they are found dead), but it is OK to tell kids about the missing child and show them their picture. Tell your children about the child who went missing and that you hope that they will be found safe, but that some children are not found.

Children may or may not be upset by this, but it puts things into perspective for them and shows them that the danger is real. Family talks about kidnapping and the dangers of talking to strangers are a good activity to do often when you have your children's attention such as during dinner. If you are religious, it can help to pray with your children for the safety of other lost children.

It is important to teach your kids how to be safe and how to avoid strangers. Remember to stress the importance of staying close to family and friends and make sure that they know how to move away from strangers and to seek a parent or other family member if approached by a stranger. Being safe is much more important than being respectful to someone you do not know.