How to Talk to Your Parents About Dating

You need to talk to your parents about dating. Perhaps you have questions. Maybe you think they should change their rules. Maybe you just want them to make an exception to the rule once for a special event. Perhaps you know they don't like the guy or girl you're dating, and you want to clear the air. Whatever your reason for approaching your parents, you may wonder how you can make the most of the conversation. A little reasoning and a lot of courtesy will go a long way.

Make sure you have their attention.

Your conversation may not be productive if your parents are involved in other tasks. If your mom or dad is balancing the checkbook or checking your sibling's homework, ask your parent to come talk with you after finishing the work. Don't demand that they drop their tasks immediately in order to talk with you.

Know what you want to say.

If you approach your parents to talk with them, you will start the conversation. Whether you have questions, want permission, or hope to persuade your parents to allow you to date, you will find the conversation easier to begin if you know what you want to say.

Listen.

Listening does not always mean that you agree with their opinions or decisions. But since your parents have offered the courtesy of listening to your side of the issue, you should return the same courtesy to them. Also, listening involves more than shutting your mouth. When you listen, try to understand your parents' viewpoint, even if you don't agree. If mom or dad says something you don't understand, ask a question to clarify the meaning. Try to determine how and why they would arrive at their conclusions.

Accept that sex, hormones, and related topics could be part of the conversation.

Don't get frustrated if your parents bring sex, hormones, puberty, or any other topics into the conversation. Although you may simply want to talk about dating, your parents likely will see these other topics as closely intertwined with the topic of dating. So it's only natural that they address these other topics.

Respect their rules.

If your parents have set rules for your dating, respect these rules. If you request a change in those rules, do not talk hatefully or tell them how silly the rules are. Express your understanding of their rules but also your reasons why you think the rules should change. "Just because I want to" probably is not a sufficient reason because parents have their own reasons for making these rules. If your parents decide that they do not want to change their rules, the worst thing you can do is to go out and disobey those rules. Intentionally breaking the rules shows disrespect not only toward the rules, but ultimately toward your parents.

Ask them about their dating experiences.

Your parents, if they dated at all, probably made some good decisions and some poor decisions. If you understand their dating background, you may gain new insight into the reasons behind their rules for you or their emphasis on certain topics like sex, pregnancy, or sexually transmitted diseases. Your parents may give you dating guidelines to help you avoid some of the poor choices they made as teenagers.

Speak kindly.

Even when you become frustrated or angry with your parents, kind speech is always the best way to talk to them. No one wants to have a conversation with someone who's rude. If you don't trust yourself to continue the conversation politely, ask if you can take a break and continue the conversation at a later time. Avoid obvious no-no's like yelling and name calling. But also pay attention to more subtle indicators of disrespect, such as rolling your eyes and speaking with a short tone of voice.

Give them time.

Especially if you have proposed some changes to the rules or asked for permission for a specific activity, do not demand an answer right away. Give your parents time to think about the conversation and consider some options. Don't wait until the last minute to have this conversation, and let them know that you don't expect an answer right away.

With a little reason and a lot of courtesy, you can talk about dating with your parents in a way that leaves everybody feeling a little less uncomfortable. Don't feel discouraged if you don't persuade your parents to agree with your proposal. If you've managed to communicate honestly and respectfully, you've participated in a successful conversation about dating.