How to Talk to Your Parents About Sex

You're curious. You want to know. But you don't want the sort of information that your peers are all too ready to deal out. You want the truth. So where can you expect to get the most reliable information and guidance?

Your parents are experienced and have your best interests in mind. But they may very well be the last people you would feel remotely comfortable discussing such a subject with. Most youths cringe at the thought of having "the sex talk", even more so the thought of actually initiating the conversation. Some fear that their parents will jump to the wrong conclusions as to their motives for asking. Others may fear that their parents will launch into a full lecture and the discussion will end up entirely one-sided. Still others say that they don't wish to dispel their parents notions of them, saying that they are concerned their parents will view them differently for having had such a talk.

The truth is that your parents would rather you discuss the subject with them than with anyone else. It is also a fact that, more than likely, they find the idea of "the sex talk" as awkward and daunting as you do. It can be difficult for a parent to broach the subject because their parents never discussed it with them or perhaps they fear appearing pushy or overbearing. And, well, sex will always be less than comfortable to talk about, so what can you do to make the process easier on all of you?

You may be surprised to know that your taking the initiative to bring up the subject yourself rather than waiting on your parents to do so may come as a great relief to your parents. Most parents do want to be your primary source of information about sex but are at a loss about how to begin the conversation. Often, once the ice is broken, the whole thing will come much more easily to everyone involved. What could you say to break that ice?

Try broaching the matter this way:

Be upfront about your fear. What is it that makes it hard for you to talk about sex with your parent? Is it any of the possibilities mentioned at the outset of this article? Or is it something else? You might be able to head off the reaction you most fear by letting them know that you are afraid of it. In this way, they will be aware of it and will at least try to avoid that reaction. For instance, you could begin by saying: "I really want to talk you about something important but I'm afraid you might think....(add your concern here)."

Then follow this with clearly stating why you are coming to them to have this discussion. Such an admission will foster an atmosphere of understanding and intimacy that will help to allay some of the awkwardness of the discussion. Perhaps you could say: "I would rather have your thinking on this matter than anyone else's. "

The time will have now come to simply state what you want to talk about. This is where you might find it hard to keep talking around the lump that may be in your throat. You may find it easier to narrow the discussion down to a specific aspect of sex, maybe asking only one or two questions for now. So just say: "The question I have is... (add your question here).

At this point the ice is broken and the conversation should be well under way. Try to relax. After all, you may not always view them in this light, but your parents are really your friends and your best allies in the difficult journey that is known as growing up. They are in the best position possible to help you and they want to. But what if the worst happens?

If your parents do launch into a lecture, look past the way they are saying it to discern what they are saying. Even the most well meaning parent can stumble over this subject and things could come out wrong. But even if the delivery is deficient because they fail to be as sensitive or as understanding as you'd hoped or they are less than clear in their explanations because of their own awkwardness, there is still usually much benefit and helpful information to be gleaned. In such a circumstance, you will need to be patient, listen closely, and avoid becoming frustrated or upset. Recognize that your parents are honestly trying to do their best by you.

Whether the conversation went as smoothly as you would have liked or not, make sure the lines of communication are open for further conversations on the subject. This will allow you to ask questions you may have chosen not to during the initial discussion as well as those you may think of later. You can do this by thanking your parents for talking to you about it. Such an appreciative, respectful and mature closing could go a long way toward more open, frank and comfortable communication in the future. You could say something like: "Thank you for talking to me about this. If I have other questions, can we talk about this again later?"

Not only will this help you get reliable and loving direction in the matter of sex, but these suggestions could also be helpful in discussing other sensitive subjects. They will also help to establish a comfortable, open and lasting relationship with your parents that will continue to benefit all of you well into adulthood.