How to Talk Politics with Your Kids

How bad is it to call a presidential candidate an "idiot," especially in front of your kids? In this heated election season, it's natural to discuss the candidates with your spouse or partner, root for one candidate over another and maybe even argue on what qualities make a good leader of our country. And chances are that your kids are taking this all in and adopting your political viewpoint.

If you're looking for a guide to how to discuss the candidates when your children are around, turn to something that that can direct you through most everything else you do in your life: Jewish values.

"Judaism tells us how we should live. As far as discussing the election, I see it no differently than I would discussing anything else in life,"says Rabbi Susan Fendrick, editor and consultant in Newton, Massachusetts.

Watch Your Words

There is a reason that people suggest skipping politics as the basis for small talk. It can get explosive. "But there is a distinction between criticizing a candidate and speaking about him or her in an extremely derogatory way," says Rabbi Fendrick, mother of two and stepmother of three.

Jewish tradition requires us to speak of others with kavod--with respect, says Rabbi Fendrick. "When we call someone an offensive name, thus speaking without kavod, we bring dishonor not only to the person we have targeted, but also dishonor to ourselves as individuals."

On the other hand, that does not mean we should avoid speaking passionately about our country and the potential leadership for it. Jewish tradition places a great emphasis on the power of speech. According to the Torah, the world was created with speech. Jewish tradition encourages us to speak up when we don't like what is going in our society, says the rabbi. It is a mitzvah (good deed) to get involved in social issues and work to change things even by the simple act of voting. "We involve our children when we explain to them why we feel that certain things in our country are going the wrong way," says Rabbi Fendrick.

So what happens when we slip and call a candidate a name or say how stupid he or she is--or even worse? You can tell your child, for example, he might have said that in a different way; it's just that I'm so upset about the health care system in this country. And I want someone to be president who knows what he's doing.

The bottom line, then, is to have honest conversations about the issues that are important to us. Keep the value of kavod in mind, but don't let it inhibit you from expressing yourself about the election.

The Jewish Voice in Voting

Another aspect to discussing the election in front of or with our children is trying to incorporate Jewish values into our criteria for choosing one candidate over another.

Many of us are concerned about the environment and want a president who will make that a priority. Says Rabbi Fendrick, " The mitzvah of bal tashchit--literally meaning"don't destroy" requires us to care for the environment and not pursue wasteful or unnecessarily destructive action and policies. This mitzvah is derived from the Torah itself, in the Book of Deuteronomy, in which we are told that in war we may not wantonly cut down trees in enemy territory. So even in extreme situations like war, we are commanded to be mindful of the environment.

Is helping the underprivileged important to you in this election? Is this a point you want to get across to your kids? Then turn again to what is said in Deuteronomy which directs us to practice justice--Tzedek, tzedek, tzedek tirdof--justice, justice, you shall pursue.

The prophets, the rabbi explains further, gave us a vision of human responsibility that includes clothing the naked, feeding the hungry, freeing those who are oppressed and engaging with suffering in the world. All these biblical commandments were elaborated upon by the ancient rabbis, and many were taught, in part, by comparing them to God's own actions. So when we bring Jewish concerns to bear on the domestic and foreign policy issues of the [United States], we are, according to Jewish tradition, not just doing what God wants us to, but often emulating what we believe God would do.

Winning or Losing

As adults, we anticipate that we will feel some sadness, anger or even some temporary hopelessness if the candidate of our choice loses. How do we constructively convey our feelings to our children if this happens?

"Judaism doesn't, in general legislate feelings but usually focuses on actions," says Rabbi Fendrick. If your candidate loses the election, your responsibility to be an engaged, involved citizen doesn't go away. If anything, it increases because there's more work to do.

As before the election, speak of the elected official critically but with kavod, and continue or step up your involvement in causes to which you and your family are committed.

If you can get across these points to your kids during this election, you will not only involve them in a crucial process, but you will probably influence their future much more than the outcome of the election itself.

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This article originally appeared in a 2005 issue of JewishFamily.com.