How Do You Talk to a Soldier with PTSD? Five Tips to Avoid Triggering PTSD During a Conversation

When talking to a soldier, no matter how you are affiliated, try to avoid crowded areas. You may notice a soldier looking around the room constantly, finding it difficult to focus and seeming unusually anxious. Wait to carry on the conversation until after the room has calmed or simply suggest going outside for privacy.

Side Note: This situation resembles that of being in crowded cities or markets. The learned instinct in combat zones is to always be aware and never be trusting of your environment. This is frustrating for a soldier in many ways because loud noises from children, people brushing up against him/her can trigger a high level of anxiousness which will lead to frustration.

2. Don't Suggest Seating in the Middle of a Restaurant

Like in the first topic a soldier can often times find themselves uncomfortable in a crowded or noisy environment. If you will take notice, without saying anything, the soldier will often times choose a seat near a wall with easy access to look out a window. It will also be in a lighted area that seems dimmer than the rest. Allow the soldier to choose where to sit, even if it isn't where you would prefer. You will be able to have a better conversation and meal with him/her if they are comfortable.

Side Note: This is again because a soldier deployed is always aware. That soldier was used to having a weapon of some sort on his/her person at all times. Now they don't. They were use to eating in a controlled environment around nothing but other soldiers. Now they aren't.

3. Avoid Talks about Politics

Soldiers have very strong views and feelings pertaining to politics. Your views, while still important, will not seem that way to the soldier. He/she has been down range. They have fought and sacrificed for their country. You haven't. By default they will often feel that your opinions do not matter as much and will even feel some distain for your lack of knowledge in areas where they are knowledgeable.

Side Note: If it comes up in a conversation allow the soldier to express their opinions. Standing your ground here will do nothing positive. A soldier will not back down from their stance and will become angry if your stance differs from theirs. They will want you to take their side, see it from their point of view. Just humble them and listen. Give input to someone else.

4. Beware of Alcohol

Be very careful how you engage in conversation with a soldier if they are drinking or have become intoxicated. Alcohol magnifies what is going on inside and a soldier with PTSD may be ready to explode. Try to keep obnoxious, loud people away from the soldier to prevent an altercation. Soldiers are trained to fight, to want to fight. Most of them have been in far bigger tangles than a bar fight. If drunk they will not be scared to engage.

Side Note: Try to talk the soldier into taking it easy with the drinking. Do not bring up the deployment at all. If they bring it up simply try to change the subject without seeming like you don't care. Listen when they are sober. A drunken rant can often become a depressing thing for everyone involved.

5. Never Say that you understand

It is a fact: you do not understand what a combat deployment is like. There are several phases that have to be experienced. A soldier goes through the process of being deployed, of leaving loved ones and everything he/she knows to go. Once they arrive to the combat zone their senses and instincts evolve. This is subconscious learning we are talking about here, not something that they read or heard and simply applied. They saw, smelled, heard and felt many things during their deployment, all of which you have never experienced. Saying that you understand will often trigger something inside the soldier to get angry. They will yell that you don't understand, that no one understands.

Side Note: Saying something like "I wish I could understand" or "I understand that you are hurting" or even "I can't even imagine" are things that will generally generate a positive response. These are like saying "I care" to a soldier with PTSD.

Taking heed to the information above will help you in understanding how to deal with a combat veteran. PTSD does not mean that the soldier will go crazy. It means that his/her mind has learned instincts and suffered a significant amount of exposure to extreme situations. The soldier cannot turn this off however they can learn to control it. Responsibility should also lie on the persons talking with him/her and what they can do to prevent the soldier from getting upset.

There are also several questions that should never be asked. For a list of them visit http://www.socyberty.com/Military/Five-Questions-You-Should-Never-Ask-a-Soldier.132016>this link. You can also tell if a soldier has seen combat simply by looking at his/her uniform. For a list of combat decorations soldiers commonly wear click here.