How to Talk to Someone Who is Sick

been suffering with Fibromyalgia and lupus for almost a year now and the number one thing that is my pet peeve is when people come up to me with their opinions of what caused my illness and what can be done to cure it. For my illness there is no cure and if some of the most brilliant minds of medicine and science can not find a cure then why do people seem to think that they possess the find all cure to life's major disease. If you seem to think that perhaps you do have the cure than please by all means go to your local research university and present them with it I'm sure they would love to hear it!

So this is not meant to upset anyone or to cause bad feelings it's simply to let those that are fortunate not to have a life long illness know how to talk to someone who does. Take in to deep consideration that a person that is going through a hard time with a disease or chronic illness already feel down and some even depressed at their new found limitations. So the key is not to let them feel as though they themselves have caused this unfortunate circumstance but that you are there for them just simply to love and listen.

Keep strong opinions to yourself

I have come across many who have tried to tell me what I've done to deserve this unfortunate circumstance and that if only I would have enough religious faith then I would be able to get over it. Now whatever your belief is that's fine and if that is what works for you that's great! But someone with an illness is already facing questions like:

- Was it something I did that caused this?

- Is there something more I can do to beat this?

- Is it my fault?

- Did I do something bad and this is my punishment?

These are always swimming in the minds of people with disabilities, and having others especially healthy others telling them that their questions are indeed right and valid is hard to hear. Those questions are completely wrong, there is nothing anyone can do its called life and sometimes people do get sick and yes even die. Death is a part of some diseases and for those that are facing the possibility, or worse those who are actually facing it cannot bear to hear that this could actually be their fault. Now it's fine if this is something that you may believe and you are very entitled to believe it but keep it to yourself. Here are something's to say when in passing someone with an illness.

-How are you feeling?

-I will keep you in my thoughts

-I hope you feel better

-Don't worry it's ok to feel that way this must not be easy for you

-I don't understand how this must be, but I can imagine that it isn't fun or easy.

When saying this you play the understanding card instead of the critical card and that is often much more soothing. If someone actually confides in you about how they are really feeling then be honored because I know for me I don't like to tell many people how I'm really feeling even my best friends. So if I do then that really means I can trust them and I know they are going to make me feel better not worse. So if someone does tell you the truth about how they are really feeling than be honored and just offer a listening ear and understanding and that's all we need.

Never Assume Fine means Fine

Most people ask me how I'm feeling or doing and my quick response is fine, now many times I don't actually mean it because I'm living with this everyday and I am in some sort of pain every day, therefore I'm not doing fine. But like I said I'm not going to tell everyone my problems or how I really feel so I just say fine. The key is if you ever get this response back from someone remember that there is a chance that the person isn't really doing fine. Now that doesn't mean to press for more information because they just might not want to tell you, it means that you should be sensitive to them still. Do not say things like:

-Well you are looking better

-It's important to have a positive attitude fake it till you make it keep telling yourself you are fine

Always smile and say "that's good to hear I'll keep you in my thoughts" short and sweet and not annoying. Also if you are chosen to confide in and someone is telling you how they feel never, never say things like:

-Well you need to pray harder

-Keep having faith it's lack of faith that you are having

-Would you like me to get a group of women together to pray this demon of sickness out of you?

-Never say you are sick wake up saying your healthy and you will start to be.

And above all never say, "Yes I understand do you know what happened to me today how I've been feeling..." The last thing someone needs to hear is you comparing yourself and your normal problems with theirs. It's fine to confide in them also, it's fine to call them up when you are having a hard day and in need of comfort and support but never at the moment that they are seeking it from you, that just makes them feel as though you see their illness as the same as your hard day and it is vastly different.

Just keep an understanding attitude and always offer support and love. Most people with a chronic illness or disease feel lonely and depressed at times when they have to wake up every day with this problem on their plate. Often they can't do the things they want to do because of it. So just keep your opinions to yourself and an understanding, loving heart towards anyone who is ill.

Sometimes even something as simple as a card in the mail is a great thing to let that person know you care.
Rememeber most people who are sick want to keep as normal a life as possible which is why we don't talk to much about the illness so if they choose not to talk about it or you simply never hear about it that doesn't mean it's not there making their life hard.