How to Talk to Your Teen About Sexting

Drugs. Drinking and driving. Seat belts. Sex. And now parents have another topic to add to their agenda for teen talks: sexting.

Texas legislators announced proposed changes this week to the current state law regarding teen sexting, a trend in which teens send nude photos and racy messages through their cell phones. Under written laws, teens who send and receive nude photos can face the same charges as sex offenders, but lawmakers are trying to soften punishments for teen offenders.

Sexting has received headlines recently after nude photos went viral or were spread rapidly around schools and communities, causing at least one 13-tear-old Florida girl to commit suicide after topless photos of her were spread around the middle and high schools in her city.

With so much on the line, it is imperative parents talk to their teens about sexting, and like any sensitive topic, there are ways to approach the conversation without embarrassing you or your child.

First, choose a neutral location. Not his room, not your home office. It's best to choose a casual place where your teen can "fidget" instead of being locked into a one-on-one conversation. For example, during a ride home from school or to the store, mention that you heard something on the news about sexting. You teen can look out the window, fiddle with the radio, or simply look away, which may make it seem he is not listening. It actually makes the situation more comfortable for him, so he is more likely to respond.

Ask open-ended questions to genuinely seek your teens thoughts and opinions, instead of just "preaching." Ask if she has heard about sexting, if she has friends who've mentioned it, and it she's ever received photos. (Refrain from asking if she's taken any herself; this will immediately put her on the defensive and possibly make her feel like she has to lie. Keep communication open by allowing her to blame the activity on her friends, assuming she has actually done it. If she volunteers more information, then take the conversation in that direction.)

Ask your teen what his immediate thoughts are about sexting. Use the Socratic method (ask open ended questions until the person has to work out consequences in their own mind) to get your teen to put sexting in a larger perspective. This is especially useful because teens feel they came up with the answers instead of being lectured.

Pose hypothetical situations such as, what happens if you take a nude photo of yourself and your friend gets mad at you? What happens if a guy you really like is forwarded nude photos by someone else - will he respect you? Will he want to go out with the girl everyone has nude photos of? Will girls want to date you if they know you sent photos of your ex all around school?

Remind teens that once the photos are taken, they are always in existence. If your teen ever gets a position in government or entertainment, those photos will be dug up and posted on every website and t.v. station. Use modern celebs like Lindsay Lohan and Brittany Spears as examples.

Remind teens that more bosses and potential relationships are Googling prospects. Ten years after high school, a boss or girlfriend might Google their name and see those photos again. Even if you have deleted the photos from your phone, they are stored in the cellular providers databases and may be subpoenaed for court cases.

Then get to the most serious issue of all: sexting is currently illegal with very serious consequences. Taking nude or sexually explicit photos of anyone under the age of 18 is considered child pornography - even if your teen took photos of herself or himself to send. He can be charged with taking child pornography, distribution if he sends it to anyone, possession for having it on his phone and federal felonies if the photos are sent to cell phones in other states.

Discuss the possible temptations to send sexting photos: blackmail, flirting, or just "having fun."

Finally, discuss with your teen basic lessons in friendship. Remind her that friends may ask one way one day, and then do reckless things in anger or frustration. Even the boy or girl who seems so different and respectful can get angry and send things you thought were personal and private in a relationship.

Encourage your teen to be a leader among his friends, whether based on religious convictions or basic moral ethics. Remind him that you might not always agree with his behaviors, but you'd rather him be open and honest before things get out of hand.