How to Talk to Your Wife About Housework

With all of the focus over the past few decades being placed upon men doing more in the home while women pursue their careers, a new problem for married couples has slowly started creeping into the mainstream....the "lazy" wife. While most men are automatically thrown into the "lazy" category when it comes to domestic duties, the truth is that today many men are over-compensating and some wives are underachieving. Such is the problem with trying to carve equality into an ageless institution after centuries of ill-divided work. However, there is hope for husbands who find themselves, rather than their wives, over burdened in the home. Consider the following tips carefully before opening that can of worms, however, and be careful not to fall into the trap of over-preached feminism.

First, be respectful of the fact that your wife likely grew up watching her own mother slave away in the home. Many women now fear that sort of lifestyle and the draining effect it can have. Determined not to devote themselves to scrubbing floors, many women throw themselves into their careers and demand that their husbands do more. While the initial goal was merely equality, sometimes this can turn into the husband doing absolutely everything while trying to work outside of the home, too. Is this a work of karma? Perhaps, but we cannot blame the younger generation of men for the mistakes of the older generation. Keep that point in mind when your wife gets defensive and brings up hundreds of years of women's rights activism when you try to ask her to pick up after herself. Let her know that you respect her and would never wish her to give up what she's passionate about in order to give you a cleaner home, but that there seems to have been a dramatic shift that has left you in the position of the overworked spouse rather than her.

Next, try to keep any conversations with your wife about housework division in private and away from your children. The subject may confuse them and cause them to think that one parent is more responsible for cleaning the home than the other, especially if any arguing takes place. Add that to the fact that even today's children are growing up in an environment where housework division isn't evenly depicted in the media, and it's likely that your children will misunderstand the point of your conversation (interpreting it as mommy not doing "her job" rather than daddy needing a middle ground to be met).

Next, be specific about the work you already do, but do so in a passive manner that won't offend. Create a list together of the housework that must get accomplished on a daily and weekly basis in order for the home to remain clean, and agree to split the tasks down the middle. If one of you remains in the home full time, that person must take on more domestic duties, but keep in mind that keeping up a home is not a job that stops at 5 pm. It's ongoing, so avoid an argument by understanding this ahead of time and allowing breaks for the both of you.

Finally, listen to your wife's reasons for not doing more. She may be unaware of the fact that you feel she should be getting more accomplished, especially when it is often taken for granted that the woman does more in most cases. She may have never even considered that you were taking on too much, seeing as the problem for her generation has always been the other way around. Also, consider what she does or problems she's facing that you might have missed. Is she getting up at night with a baby? Is she feeling exhausted from her non-stop child rearing? Is she working late at her job? Is she feeling ill? Everyone has bouts of reduced productivity, so be sure to give her a chance to explain. If she's even remotely rational, she'll respond maturely to your concerns, especially if you take the time to show a little concern for her.