How to Teach Your Daughter to Stop Gossiping

Every parent of a teenage or adolescent daughter worries about helping her overcome bullying and teasing that may come her way in the form of hateful gossip. But what if it's your daughter who seems to have an incurable case of the "mean girl" syndrome? While most parents can't fathom their angels using words as a weapon for no good reason, sometimes the proof is just too hard to ignore. Whether you overheard a phone conversation or simply noticed a condescending attitude toward others in your daughter, something gives you the feeling that she may be taking part in a hurtful and age-old tradition. To help your daughter curb this nasty habit, try to keep the following tips in mind.

The steps to stopping the gossip mill in your home are simple, but each is very important. Parents simply instructing daughters not to gossip will find little success. Teen and adolescent girls rarely are able to view the wrongs within themselves as they begin leaving their childhoods and the rules for correct behavior begin to get a bit more complicated. As such, a simple list of rights and wrongs does little to correct bad habits.

As such, start by leading by example. If you think your daughter doesn't notice when you bad mouth your mother-in-law or that co-worker who always gets to you, think again. Venting about others in the safety of your home may not cause them harm, but teens and younger girls may not understand the difference between "venting" and "gossiping." Your daughter may view this behavior as a way of gaining revenge or putting oneself above another, and continuing in front of her may only fuel the gossip fires. Try to uplift others in your daughter's presence, and save the venting for a better time.

Next, have a talk with your daughter, but not the same talk that your parents gave you about gossip. Word of mouth isn't the only way to attack others in a modern age. Social networking profiles (Myspace and Facebook) and text messaging have replaced dirty notes and whispers. As you explain to your daughter, preferably at a young age, that gossip is inappropriate, help her understand that any medium used to spread negative information about others is considered a gossiping tool. Teens and young girls need very specific instruction, and informing them that there is more than one way to harm others with words is absolutely necessary.

As you have this discussion with your little gossip queen, it's important to help her understand how gossip not only affects others, but also how it affects her reputation. Lost trust cannot be regained easily, and most often one can count on the fact that others know when someone else has spread ill information about them. Not only that, but she will risk giving herself an unladylike reputation that is likely to make her the brunt of the rumor mill at some point in the near future as well.

Of course, while her reputation and relationships with others are to be considered, the individuals targeted by your daughter are a source of concern for you, also. Because she isn't likely to understand the damage that can be done through gossip, use personal examples to help enlighten your daughter as to its long-term effects. If you can recall an incident where words were used to scar you personally, you may be able to explain to her how a simple comment can last a lifetime. Being able to relate any pain she might be causing to the pain that someone she cares for has experienced may do wonders for helping her break the habit.

Finally, begin strongly emphasizing good character in your home. Of course you already value good character and so does your daughter, but creating an environment where continuously developing it is praised and encouraged will help dissuade your daughter from hurting others with her words and actions any longer. While the process may take a bit of time, as your daughter grows she will value and understand the power of what she says in a new light.