How to Teach Your Tween to Be More Assertive

Do you have problems with being assertive? Perhaps your tween has problems being assertive. Well if either is the case the first step is to find out why you or your tween are not assertive. So what exactly does it mean to be assertive? Generally it means boldness and confidence; it means to be able to express yourself without great anxiety. If you have too much assertiveness then it becomes aggression and that you should avoid.

If you want your tween to be more assertive, become more assertive yourself. If you are not confident as a parent then your child will be picking up on that from very early on to present day. If you are assertive then make sure you are assertive and not aggressive. Aggressiveness can lead to your tween being fearful and quiet. Take your tween out and demonstrate assertiveness. Tween's are very impressionable; they are literally like larger 2 year olds. I myself struggled with assertiveness most of my life. Then one day I decided I did not want to just let people control me. When you are with your tween shopping, eating or whatever you might be doing be assertive. Tell the waitress exactly how you want your food done. If there is a problem with something then let the staff know. If you cannot find something or something is ringing up wrong say hey that is wrong. The price is supposed to be this. Tween learn by example, so simply set a good example and they will learn soon enough how to get what they want. Do not be aggressive this is not the proper way to get things done.

If you and your child do not communicate well get therapy together and or separate. Do not be ashamed to get therapy. Being assertive is very important and if your tween is not assertive they could become depressed by turning anger in on themselves. Anxiety is the big roadblock to being assertive, so start there treating anxiety. Teach your tween that it is ok to express their feelings no matter what. Teach your tween confidence and humility as well. Do not put undue pressure on your tween. More pressure equals more anxiety.

Teach your tween to look people in the eye, shoulders up and face them and in a firm voice ask or tell them what you want. Make sure you address the person you are talking to problem. Explain your problem in a steady voice. Make a suggestion as to how to solve the problem. You can agree to something without changing your mind. Such as somebody says "why do you where that goatee it is not in style" You simply say "you're right they are not in style". This is agreeing with the person but not actually changing your position, a great way to avoid a fight or aggressive situation. Try and use "I" statements because it is important to express your feelings. It is said it is impossible to argue if you only use "I" statements. Assertive behavior is easier to learn then it might seem to be. Tween's have an advantage of being impressionable like 2 year olds. Good luck with the "Terrible Twos", I mean "tweens"

Sources:

Life, therapy, parenting

http://letscureautism.com/blog/