How to Get Your Teen to Respect You Without Compromising Your Integrity

I've heard it said that "today's teens lack respect for authority". Are teens disrespectful of parents of adults? How can you make your teenager respect you without compromising integrity? Here's how to teach teens respect.

Lead by example. Healthy respect begins with healthy role models. Do you show respect for others? Are you polite in public, to family members and co-workers, with authority figures? If you engage in sarcasm, mocking, shaming or rude behavior, don't expect your kids to act any differently.

Demonstrate self-respect. If you don't respect yourself, you communicate that to your children. I have struggled with self-respect issues. Any time an outsider was disrespectful to me, my children flew to my defense. They could not defend me against myself, however. I've had to train myself to speak positively about myself. It hurt my children to see Mama sad, and I didn't want to spread the cancer of low self-esteem.

Respect begets respect. It bugs me to hear adults say "kids have no respect these days." Today's teens did not invent disrespect. If teens are less respectful, it's because society as a whole is demonstrates disrespect. Respectful teenagers are treated respectfully by their parents. They have grown up in a nurturing environment that fosters independence, positive self-image and healthy interaction.

Set boundaries. Respectful teens have clearly-defined, age-appropriate limits. When my children were young, I did not provide cable television for them. I explained that it wasn't because I did not trust my children to make good decisions. My eldest daughter, now an adult, said recently, "At the time, I didn't like that you didn't let us do certain things. I'm glad now that you didn't, and I plan to raise my kids just like you raised us."

Start teaching kids respect early. Don't wait until kids are in their teens to expect respectful behavior. My children were taught as toddlers to be polite to elders. As their relatives become senior citizens, these early lessons are paying off.

Be a parent, not a pal. Kids, especially teens want you to parent them, not buddy up to them. Don't compromise your tastes, values or rules, hoping to win their approval. When parents act childishly, teens feel uncomfortable.

Avoid pampering kids. Care for your children by teaching them to care for themselves. Don't wait on your teens or do things for them that they can and should do for themselves. If you pamper them, they will not learn self-care skills. They will come to expect others to care for them. They will not respect or appreciate your effort and will take advantage of you.

Don't pamper others in your life, either. When I let people take advantage of me, it creates resentment. When I detach in love, my whole family is at peace. If I let myself be walked on, why should I complain that I get no respect?