How Teens Define Sex

Apparently former President Bill Clinton and today's teens have at least one thing in common; it's the way they define sex. Many teenagers and young adults believe that oral sex is not really sex. According to a new study published in the Journal Of Adolescent Health, their ideas of virginity and abstinence may not match a dictionary version either. The survey found that 33% of 900 youth, aged 12 to 19, from 10 California counties, believed that they could have oral sex and still define themselves as abstinent. Even more shocking, 14% of those surveyed said abstinence could include anal sex. Almost 12% said abstinence could include vaginal intercourse. When asked whether boys and girls keep their virgin status, if they participate in oral sex, 70% answered yes. (After reading the statistics on teen sex, it makes one wonder exactly what they are abstaining from.)

This information is important to know, not only for scientists, but for parents, doctors taking a sexual background, and instructors who teach sex education and abstinence. Dr. Melina Bersamin, of the Pacific Institute for Research and Evaluations Center, in Berkeley, California, feels that when dealing with young people, it is imperative to be specific when defining sexual behaviors. She stated, "Perhaps the overarching message is that there are different meanings associated with such terms as "have sex", "abstinence", and "virginity." Defining terms will aid in a mutual understanding when communicating with teens about sex.

The old debate, about whether oral sex is really sex, still rages. It has been reported in new federal data that more than half of 15 to 19 year olds have given or received oral sex. Research suggests that most teens feel that it is not sex. Natalie Fuller, a college sophmore explains it this way, "For most teens, the only form of sex is penetration, and anything else doesn't count." So many teens who define themselves as abstinent may be having oral sex. A panel for the Medical Institute for Sexual Health, in Austin, looks at it differently, citing that "Oral sex is sex because it places young people at risk for sexually transmitted diseases and infections, puts them at risk for long-term emotional harm, and opens the door for other sexual activity."

Abstinence is often linked with how recently a sexual behavior has occurred. If a certain sexual activity did not occur recently, many teens would describe themselves as abstinent, regardless of their sexual history. According to many teenagers, oral sex is considered so casual, that it is not even important to be in a relationship. Some teens say that it takes place at parties, sometimes with multiple partners. Sarah Brown, director of the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy reports, "What we're learning here is that adolescents are redefining what is intimate. To adults, oral sex is extremely intimate, and to some of these young people, apparently it isn't as much." But experts are concerned that this casual approach to sex will affect a person's ability to form a healthy, intimate relationship later on. Teen sex often becomes little more than a recreational activity, lacking emotional intimacy, trust, and communication.

The Toledo Adolescent Relationships Study reports that more than one half of sexually active teens have sexual partners they are not dating. Other clinicians report that 1/4 of all new HIV cases occur in those under the age of 21. Girls 15 to 19 have the highest rate of gonorrhea. Fifteen per cent of the teen population have been diagnosed with herpes or human papillomavirus (HPV).

Not only does risky teen sexual behavior have physical consequences, but it takes a toll on mental health as well. There are often codependency issues, lack of goals and motivation, and serious depression problems, related to breakups or unfaithfulness. Other interesting research discovered that teens who have sex a great deal earlier than their friends, also showed higher rates of delinquency one year later. The significance of this finding is that a teen may not be developmentally or emotionally able to handle the consequences of his actions. Stacy Armour, co-author of the study at Ohio State University, explains, "If you're having sex a lot earlier than your friends, you may be hanging out with a new group of kids, ones that are probably older. Having sex brings with it this feeling of being an adult. They may feel like they can do things older adults do, and for some that may include delinquency."

What about all the abstinence pledges we hear about these days? Are they sincere? A survey by Northern Kentucky University found that 61per cent of students who made abstinence promises broke them, and 55 per cent who reported keeping their pledges, had participated in oral sex. Those pledging abstinence did delay sex for a year longer than non-pledging students, with the average being 17.6 years of age.

Another "muddy water" definition is "hooking up". It can mean anything from kissing and petting, to oral sex or intercourse. A Boston University junior explains, "A girl can say, 'I hooked up with so and so', and no one knows what she did. It protects you and makes you a player at the same time."

Being young is associated with taking risks, and teen sexual "risky business" is no exception. How can you communicate with your teen about the dangers involved? One author suggests going for "dialouge" not "diatribe." Talking honestly and openly about sexual behavior is what teens want. They want answers to their questions, and if their parents don't provide the information, they will turn to their friends, whose expertise may not be factual. Stress the emotional, physical and spiritual aspects of teen sexual behavior. Give them the facts about sexually transmitted diseases. Be willing to talk about commitment, love and faithfulness. Understand that your teens will be observing your marriage, and how you work through problems, communicate with each other, and show love. A conversation about teen sex can be intimidating, but not having one can be devastating. So talk to your teens, and most of all, listen to what they have to say. (And it might be best to leave the dictionary at home. It won't help much these days anyway.)

Sources: http://www.redorbit.com/news/health/1128433/teens_perceptions_of_sex_inconsistent/index.html?source=r_health
http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2005-10-19-teens-technical-virginity_x.htm
http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/blog/2007/09/10/like-a-virgin-teens-think-so
http://www.mywire.com/pubs/USATODAY/2005/10/19/1054171?extID=10037&oliID=229
http://jar.sagepub.com/cgi/content/abstract/21/5/459
http://www.usnews.com/usnews/culture/articles/020527/archive_020860.htm
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/02/070226131500.htm
http://www.boston.com/yourlife/relationships/articles/2007/02/13/hooking_up_is_the_rage_but_is_it_healthy/?page=1
http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1058/is_26_120/ai_112131087