How Do You Tell a Child a Loved One Has Died?

Recently we learned of the death of a former teacher who my son was fortunate enough to have in 5th grade. She was a wonderful person who lived life to it's fullest and loved each student as if they were her own. Her students adored her and she was loved and respected by all who knew her. She will be missed.

When I learned of her death, I knew I had to tell my son because they had been so close before he heard of it from friends. When we spoke of her death, I simply asked him if he remembered that she had been ill. (We told him as did many parents when she first was diagnosed, so they would be prepared for the changes chemo brought).
He looked at me and I knew he knew what I was about to say.

I simply told him that the doctors did all they could to cure her cancer, but that it was time for God to take her to heaven to be with him and although we didn't get a chance to say "Good Bye" we could now, because she was listening from heaven. I told him that she had died but that she was in a better place, one with no pain.

My son decided to pray and part of his prayer was to thank her for all she did for him but one part that stood out in my mind was when he said "although we can't hug anymore, I still have your hugs in my heart." He went on to say "Heaven has a special angel and I have a guardian angel too." He loved Voyce unconditionally, just as she loved him.

She took a young boy who had been bullied by a teacher at his former school and broke through a brick wall of fear and mistrust of teachers and opened a door to learning and unconditional love.

So, I guess the advise I would give a parent or anyone who has to tell a young child someone special in their life has died, would be to tell them that there is a special place in heaven for people who love them and as long as they always remember the fun times, the laughter and the hugs, that person will never really be gone, they will always be just a prayer away.

Simple as it may be, sometimes kids just need reassurance that the person who has passed on is in a better place. They need to know that it is OK to cry or feel sad or perhaps even to be numb and not feel at all. Grief shows itself in many ways and they need to know that however they feel, it's right because it comes from their heart.

If your child wants to talk, let him or her do the talking. Sit and listen and speak only when they invite you into the conversation, for this is a time they need to make sense of the death of a friend. And if you are religious, pray with them, even if it is as simple as "God please watch over Voyce, she was a very special lady." It will make your child feel as if his prayers are as important as yours are and he or she will feel they have somehow connected with the person whom they lost.

And remember, the subject may not seem to effect them now but it may come up in the future. Be prepared to listen to stories of their times together, jokes they shared or even dry a tear or two. And if you feel yourself crying, then cry for it shows that it's OK to cry when your heart is aching for someone you loved.

In conclusion, there really isn't a perfect way to tell a child that someone they love has died. It depends upon the child, as to how much detail you go into, but the best advice is keep it simple and let your child lead the way for the moments to follow and remember, hugs do a lot to heal a broken heart.