How to Tell Your Child Mom & Dad Are Separating or Getting a Divorce

Many children internalize their feelings when parents tell them that they are divorcing or separating, blaming themselves. No matter what, the most important thing is to tell your children that you both love them very much, and it's important to keep reiterating this point so that your they have constant reassurance. When my husband and I first separated, we sat our girls down and let them know how much we both love them. We eased them into the news by letting them know that even though Daddy wouldn't be living under the same roof as us, he would be around just as much. Make a concerted effort to include your spouse in all discussions with your children, and never argue with your spouse or discuss divorce-related issues in front of them. Most importantly, never speak badly of one another to your children.

Always keep the lines of communication open. It's very important that your children feel they can ask questions, and give them open and honest answers. Kids feel safer when they don't have to worry about the fear of the unknown. We continually let our girls know that they could ask us anything, anytime, day or night.

Make sure to get the kids into counseling. We made counseling appointments for each child so that they could talk to qualified therapists. Sometimes kids feel more comfortable talking to someone else for fear they might upset you. We spoke with guidance counselors at their school and let them know what was happening at home. Their counselors and teachers made themselves available to the kids, letting them know that they could leave the classroom any time to talk, or even if they just needed a quiet place to cry. When we first broke the news to our girls, my oldest daughter's never showed any kind of emotion. I told her school counselor of my concerns. The counselor reassured me that she'd been down to see her on several occasions to cry. She told the counselor that she couldn't cry in front of me or her younger sister because she needed to be strong for us. That's when I cried! It's so important to let your children know that it's ok to cry, even healthy, and that they should not take on the role of the adult.

Finally, the best parenting advice in the world won't take away all their pain but you can make it easier for them by remembering to make them the first priority in all of your decisions.