How to Tell Your Fiancé or Spouse You're in Debt

Ah, debt...the lifeline that the country's economy breathes through, sustaining millions of people with more than 700 billion dollars in the negative.[1] Even with an endless deficit, money appears to have no problems trickling down to the common folk in the guise of credit cards, mortgages, auto loans and bank notes. These are all handed to us on a silver platter because without debt, as the adage goes, "You don't have any assets." What a person in this day and age would be without the ability to leverage a brand-new car, name-brand clothing or the million-dollar house is far from acceptable, especially when it comes time to settling down.

The average person has about seven credit cards, all of which are maxed-out or pretty darn close to it. With so much outstanding balances accumulated before reaching the age of reasoning ability, it is no wonder that there is a lot to be ashamed of when it comes to discussing debt with a potential mate. We are taught that only those who are lazy, irresponsible and bad are unable to pay them back and only those who are good or blessed have credit in abundance.

A person could tell their fiancé or spouse about their abysmal finances while they're in bed talking about their other secrets, but why? Revealing their overwhelming liabilities will only add fuel to the already dishonorable fire. High debt may scare the mate away or set off a judgment call that results in a broken engagement. Besides, there is not a law that states one must run a credit check before getting a marriage license or that a marriage must be based around an excellent FICO score.

I personally know of a few renegades (and one or two deadbeats) who have managed to pull the wool of their finances over their fiancés' eyes before and after getting married. This is not difficult to do in a society where the norm is talking in big numbers and spending more than a person makes. There is real-life instances where people have hoarded unrevealed bankruptcies; hidden their car repossessions, and home foreclosures have been swept underneath the carpet. Finances don't have to be revealed as long as the spouse is receiving expensive gifts and living in the lap of luxury. With enough jewels, clothing and gourmet food to keep a spouse occupied, they usually don't care about where the money or credit came from.

A bankruptcy is painless to hide since the new laws have made it where consumers pay back their debts in smaller monthly payments instead of being given a debt-free clean slate to start all over again. It makes no difference in the eyes of a loving spouse if a person is writing a check out each month for the original amount of debt or the settled amount from the bankruptcy. With this new system, a person could still paint the picture of financial perfection while paying off bad debt.

The first step would be to pay cash while making it look like something is bought on good credit. Instead of charging thousands of dollars for a brand-new Rolex watch, one could easily be purchased in full from the pawnshop for a couple of hundred dollars. It's difficult to tell a new watch from a used one when it is shining with all its glory. Expensive goods that have been used are available online for a fraction of their original cost. Used items are not taxed, which means that with the money a person saves, they could package the goods in a designer box purchased from their spouse's favorite department store to make it look like it was bought brand-new. A foreign car with its original hardware and symbols could be paid for in cash from a sheriff's auction. With a nice wax job, no one will ever have to know that it was a drug dealer's car confiscated for evidence.

With so much luxury available on hand, a spouse would never suspect the reason for writing checks out every month was to pay off an old bankruptcy when it looks just like any other minimum payment. Obtaining credit cards after bankruptcy or repossessions is child's play. The banks will send credit cards to those with bankruptcies and/or less than perfect credit in exchange for an exorbitant annual fee. With pie-in-the-sky promises of "re-establishing" good credit, one can still give off the illusion that they have credit when going out to restaurants, malls, and movie theaters. By paying with the myriad of gold and platinum plastic cards "reserved" for those with financial problems, a bankrupt person looks just like the average Joe.

For the most part, home foreclosures aren't revealed in strobe lights on a billboard, waiting for your mate to drive by and say, "Hey isn't that you?" Once the lender takes back its real estate, they don't have anything to do with the debtor anymore. They sell the real estate to someone else and move on from the "dead-beat." It's not like a spouse is going to open a statement for an old mortgage that was sent in the mail by accident. If a person is concerned about a spouse opening their bills in the mail, there is a post office box or UPS store in every town that mail can be sent to without anyone knowing. There was a time when porno had to be ordered in the mail behind the back of one's spouse, now it is collection letters that have taken the place of being taboo.

The last time I asked around, no body seems to be marrying a person who doesn't already own a mansion. If a couple doesn't have a home before getting married, a foreclosure doesn't necessarily have to surface. As long as one spouse has "established" credit, the couple could buy the house in the other person's name, using their "established" credit, thus leaving off the credit of the person who had the foreclosure. Another way to buy a house without getting caught is through sub-prime or alternative mortgage lenders. A job and a paycheck stub is a person's credit when being financed by these companies. If sub-prime lenders still feel too lax in keeping the credit history out of the picture, there are always the loan sharks in the alley who will never ask about credit ratings - so the foreclosure secret is still safe with them.

There is no need to fret over finances for those who are embarrassed by the debt they have piled up to the sky. There are legal ways to erase debt long before getting married through companies that are in business to help erase negative marks from a person's credit report. These are legitimate companies that can help a person increase their credit score. If a person is willing to pay the attorneys' fees, these companies are willing to play ball with the credit reporting agencies. The way cleaning up the credit report works is that the debtor hires an attorney who then writes letters on behalf of the client to the three credit reporting agencies. The letters have legal jargon asking the credit-reporting agency to prove that the debt is valid. If the debt is valid, there may be a way to call the debt holder and settle for pennies on the dollar. Once the debt is paid, it has to be marked as paid on the credit report no matter how long the trail from one collection agency to the next is. If the debt is invalid, the credit-reporting agency is required to remove it from the credit report. Within a few years, a person could have a good credit rating again by paying off the valid debts and by removing the debts that have long been expired or sold off by companies that have gone out of business.

These simple strategies allow for a person with a less than desirable credit history to function in a society where a person's worth is measured by what they can buy on credit. Telling a fiancé or spouse about debt is so last century when everyone is expected to pull his or her own weight. In some cases, there are those that are expected to pull dead weight. By not disclosing debt to a spouse, it's not like beer is being hidden in the toilet tank.

Disclaimer: This article is for entertainment purposes only and does not constitute as any financial advice. Consult with your personal financial advisor, accountant or attorney before making any decisions that may affect your credit or your finances.

[1] Page 94. (2008, January 26). Trade, exchange rates, budget balances and interest rates. The Economist. Volume 386 Number 8564