How to Tell If Your Daughter was Sexually Abused

When a female is sexually abused in her formative years, the effects continue throughout her life. It is imperative she receive immediate psychotherapy that focuses on lifetime coping skills. Victims of sexual abuse begin to exhibit certain behaviors that, if recognized and treated early, could save them (and their families) from a lifetime of heartaches and hardships.

Society tends to focus more on the perpetrator, why he abuses and the type of treatment he needs. We want to understand why he sexually abuse children therefore, we offer free psychotherapy to the imprisoned perpetrator, sometimes for life! In the meantime, we expect the child and her family to resume normal lives without the benefits of any intervention.

Amazingly, society frowns on some sexually abused girls who occasionally grow up to become runaways, drug addicts, and prostitutes more so than on the perpetrator because his behavior is viewed as psychological.

There is no need for extensive, costly research to see what happens when sexually abused females reach their teen to adult years. We see it, yet chose to ignore its significant impact. Some signs of sexual abuse from my observations as a child advocate and experiences:

• One classic sign of abuse is abnormal and unexplainable vaginal and rectal irritation. I have seen children who are frequently scratching, pulling at underwear, or holding their vaginal area as if having to urinate. Once I recognized a four-year-old child constantly pulling her panties out of her buttocks, when questioned, she stated her father's friend liked to bounce her on his lap. She indicated he tried to penetrate her with his penis. Of course, the military man was arrested. Anyone from any walk of life can be a child molester.

• Bedwetting and the inability to hold urine. The sexually abused child may regress to an earlier age (i.e. starts finger sucking)

• The child is afraid to be alone with the perpetrator (who is usually a friend, boyfriend or relative)

• Wanting to sleep with their parents (particularly their mother) for fear of being taken in their sleep. Children are heavy sleepers and many molesters take advantage of that. People have difficulty believing this can happen while a child sleeps. However, many of us have picked our sleeping children up from a babysitter and driven them home while they still slept once put to bed.

• Sexual behavior unusual for their developmental age. Take it serious when you note a young child exhibiting sexual behaviors that can only be imitative.

• As the sexually abused female enters her teens, she may exhibit overt promiscuity with a reputation for sleeping with anyone and more than one sexual partner. She may be labeled as a slut, wild, fast, flirty, and out of control, even whorish. The sexually abused female hopes she can still attract other males (especially her age) and not feel like used goods.

• Some girls are very careless with protection from STDs and pregnancy, as they do not care what happens with their body.

• She will display a drastic change in behavior usually beginning in her early teens and possibly start skipping school to be with a male friend who is most likely older.

• Being permissive and interested in older men (especially if the child molester is an older man).

• Sometimes she feels sad and worthless with an overwhelmingly low self-esteem; some victims may suffer eating disorders.

• Take notice if she begins to wear non-flattering clothing to cover her developing body. It is possible she blames her burgeoning femininity for his predatory behavior. Parents may wonder why she is so apprehensive but quickly label her as shy.

• The sexually abused child may not want to go home after school, especially if the abuser is likely to be at home. She may want to stay at friends home or engage in after school activities instead of going home. She may be overprotective of her younger female siblings.

Childhood sexual molestation, especially by a known male, affects a female for the rest of her life. Parents must be careful not to mistaken all child sexual behaviors as developmental milestones. Observe for extremes to the normal.

As teens and young adults, the sexually abused female may develop a destructive lifestyle and self-hate. She may begin to abuse drugs to anesthetize the pain, run away from home especially if no one believes her, and prostitute to pay for her habits, since she has grown to believe her body is for sex and abuse. Drugs help her forget, fantasize, and escape to a better life; it is like running away without going anywhere. Unfortunately, the effect is short lived.

The victim may become pregnant at a young age, some believing the molester may not abuse her during her pregnancy. She may marry an "older man" just to get out of the abusive household. These marriages do not last long, usually 6-12 months, divorcing within a year. Unfortunately, some of these women do not know what love means and how to have a normal relationship with men.

Sexually abused females may be confused regarding what intimacy really means so they often choose the wrong type of man, such as a controller, who may continue adverse sexual behavior, or a batterer. Some develop battered spouse syndrome.

When parents fail to believe the sexual abuse, running away or suicide may be her only option. If you ask a few runaways and prostitutes to tell you their stories, there is usually a background of sexual abuse as a child.

There is not enough outrage when a child is sexually abused and ruined for life. Society cares more about dogfights than the young female prostitute who suffers from the lingering effects of being sexually abused as a child. Victims need free and quality long-term psychotherapy, far more than the perpetrator.

As a side note, I am aware there are female sexual child abusers as well as male children abused. However, females who were sexually abused as children seem to exhibit more noticeable behaviors than males. The lingering effects may also depend on the length of the abuse.

For young victims who have escaped this fate, it is helpful to speak with other victims on how it is still time to seek treatment and change their destiny. I am one of those victims who still suffer every day, 48 years later.