How to Tell if You're Really Ready for Marriage

Everyone looks forward to getting married someday (yes, guys, too), but there are lots of things you should be looking for-in yourself and a potential mate-to determine if you're really ready to make that move, or if you're just fascinated by the romance of a proposal and wedding ceremony. Not sure which category you're in? Here are some very important factors that will help you realize if wedding planning is in your near-or fairly distant-future.

Learn how to share.

We learn to share as toddlers-well, we get told to share, and punished if we don't. So, if you're not a naturally giving person and didn't learn the value of sharing as a child, you'll need to work on this before you say 'I do.' Of course, there are a number of reasons why people aren't so fond of sharing. You know, completely logical reasons like, "I had it first", "It's mine", and the ever-popular "I don't want to." None of these reasons are going to fly in a marriage-as a matter of fact, being selfish will only lead to problems. Now, this doesn't mean that you can't buy a pint of ice cream for yourself every once in a while, or take a little 'me time' to start that new book you've been meaning to read. However, it's important that you realize that marriage is indeed a partnership, and that, not only major decisions, but small details of the household need to be discussed with your mate. For instance, if you're moving some of your furniture into the new home that you and your mate will share, the furniture is no longer "yours"-it now belongs to the both of you. And when you buy groceries, it's probably best not to put name tags on your favorite foods. Most importantly, learn to share your time. One of the main reasons why so many marriages don't last is because partners don't make it a point to make time for one another. Even if you spend an extra ten or fifteen minutes in the morning having breakfast with each other, or commit to calling one another at a certain time each day to see how the day is going, this will make a big difference in your relationship. The best way to get yourself used to sharing is to practice this principle in your dating relationships-that way, you won't be so unwelcoming to the idea once you're married. Not to mention, you may not get to the aisle if you don't show your boyfriend of girlfriend your sharing side.

Don't stop having fun!

In order to keep your relationship fun and interesting, you should participate in activities that you and your mate both enjoy (besides sex). And, don't be afraid to try new things (other than in the bedroom). Your outings should include more than just going out to eat, the movies, or to parties with friends. Why not try visiting a museum every once in a while, if you or your mate love history or art? Or, you could go to a sporting event that you'll both enjoy. Remember to stay open minded and objective-you never really know if you're going to like something unless you try it. So, if your mate suggests an activity that the two of you don't usually participate in, try to be open to it. And, don't stop being spontaneous just because you're getting married. Planning surprise trips to your favorite spots or making a lunch date are great ways to let your mate know that you still care and are interested in doing things with them. Your mate still wants to know that they are fun to be around, and having fun with your significant other lets them know that you not only value them in a romantic sense, but you want to be their friend. And there's nothing better than having fun with your friends, right? Of course, you'll need to do a little something here and there to keep your time in the bedroom enjoyable once you're married, but if you're working on enjoying each other all day, this shouldn't be too much of a problem.

Don't shack up.

That's right. No living together before you tie the knot. That is, if you really want to get married. Many couples think that they can 'practice' being married before the ceremony, and that this will keep them from divorcing or facing unanticipated problems in the marriage. This sounds good, but it really doesn't work. Once you start living like you're married, you won't really see the point in having the ceremony all that soon. And, if you're already living together, there's nothing to look forward to once you're married. In most cases, women are still focused on getting married even if they're living with their mates, because they want the living arrangement to be 'official.' Men, on the other hand, will tend to feel like the point of getting married is to live together, share all the bills, and have more time to spend with one another; and if you're already doing this, what's the point of a wedding? Ladies, you don't want a man to marry you just to appease you-it's always best when he's just as ready for marriage as you are. Guys, we know, you already tend to be a little more reluctant about marriage, and you have your reasons (and, I must admit, some of them are valid). However, you don't want to increase your reluctance by living with your girlfriend, putting off marriage even further, and making her very, very (did I mention very) unhappy. Although some couples do set a timeline for themselves for marriage and follow that timeline even if they live together first, the marriage will get boring quicker, and you'll have to work harder to keep things interesting. And, you'll stop wanting to share as much, and you may not see the importance in having fun together as readily as you did before. This philosophy is a bit old-fashioned, yes, but everything from the old school isn't exactly pointless. You should definitely listen to your mother on this one-sometimes she gives great advice.

Learn how to effectively communicate.

You've heard it over and over-communication is key. And, while this is indeed true, the term 'communication' may trip some people up. Communication doesn't necessarily mean that you have to talk about every single problem that comes up, or that you have to express your demands on each issue you find important-even if your partner isn't very interested. Believe it or not, women get tired of nagging, and men get tired of hearing it, so try to let your actions speak louder than words. For instance, if you would love for the kitchen to be clean every day, don't leave any of your dirty dishes in the sink, and clean up behind yourself when you're cooking. This way, your mate will see the way you leave the kitchen, and will be more inclined to keep things cleaned, too. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't ever talk to your mate about things that are bothering you or other important household matters. Just make sure that you're as clear as possible, so that your partner won't be confused about your expectations. And, be reasonable; remember, the conclusion of each discussion or argument should be something that the both of you can live with-comfortably. When your mate knows that he or she can take you seriously, and that you want to keep arguments to a minimum but aren't afraid to address issues that could negatively affect the relationship later, you'll be setting yourself up for marital bliss for years to come.