How to Tell If They Are the One

We all tend to have our doubts from time to time about our significant other. After years of talking to couples and observing relationships, I developed a criteria to determine if you are compatible with the one you are with and if the relationship is worth investing your time, energy and most important of all, your heart.

So, you are in a relationship with somebody and your not sure if the two of you are good together. Your concern could come from previous failed relationships or just the doubt that most people tend to feel in a relationship during this day and age, which is perfectly natural. The first, and most important element of a relationship is compatibility. To determine if you are a good match for the one you are with can be easily determined but sometimes people tend to overlook the basis due to desperation or just physical attractiveness (Big mistake!!). To determine if you are compatible with each other, take a look at both of your interest. Of course, it is very rare to find somebody who shares all of your interests and you share all of theirs but a common ground should be visible if you are with the right person. Take a look at the types of music the two of you like or more importantly, the sacrifice you will make when choosing what songs to listen to together. If you find that they two of you share a lot of the same musical interests, that is a start. Less arguments will arise if the two of you are interested in the same music and it will be easier for the two of you to come to common grounds if compatibility is right.

Also, take a look at your movie interests. If the two of you both like the same types of movies, or can at least tolerate the choice of your significant other, you have a good start there as well. Another important element is how active the two of you are. If you are a couch potato in a relationship with a star athlete, chances are the two of you don't share too many common interests which will become a problem down the line. If you are the type of person who always likes to be occupied and doing something , it would be more beneficial to you to find somebody who is like you in that sense or I promise, problems will come of it. Alike hobbies also seem to hold a relationship together, so if your with someone who shares the same types of hobbies as you, or are at least interested in the hobbies of the other person, you are probably in a good match. On the other hand, if your trying to tell your significant other about what your interested in and they get a glazed over look in their eyes like they are not paying attention, a red flag should pop up immediately. It is more important that you take interest in what your lover's interests are but it does not have to go as far as being exactly the same at first. If your in a good match, that will come with time. On all other levels of compatibility consider the following: religion, pop culture, food, holiday celebrations, political views, view of one's self, interests in general, ideas about issues in your surrounding areas and other issues of importance to you personally. If you have a lot of alike ideas in most of those categories, you are a good match. However, if every issue proposes a difference, a problem could be coming down the road, so look out.

Another way to tell if you are with the right one is looking at levels of intimacy. If you tend to notice that the person that you are with does not fully let their guard down around you a few months in, there could be a problem there. To be with another person completely, you must be able to let them into how you are as a person completely. What I mean by that is, if you are keeping things from the person that you are with, regardless of what it is, you probably shouldn't be with them. Why be with somebody you have to hide things about yourself from? If somebody is truly the right person for you, there should be no secrets, no lies and most importantly a sense of comfortability. Also, a red flag should come up if the person you are with does not like to hold your hand or be somewhat intimate with you in public or around their friends. If you care for somebody truly, you would want the whole world to know that they are with you so hand holding and mild flirting should be visible to those around you and if they aren't, simply ask. If they come off with the "I don't like to PDA", there is probably something more behind it than that so watch out. Also, if your with the person you want to be with, intimacy will be strong and the two of you should have fun together. If you find yourself making up excuses to avoid hanging out with your significant other to do something you couldn't do in front of them, break up with them now. You don't want to have a relationship where you can not fully be yourself, it's not worth it to either of you.

A significant amount of passion should be present as well. I mean that the two of you should do nice things for each other like bringing the other person food that you know they like, or playing a song they like on the radio for them or other noticeable things that show that you care. If none of that exists and you can't tell half the time what they are thinking, it's probably time to end the relationship. If love is there and your with the person who is right for you, there will be a noticeable sense that they care whether it be from the things that they say, the things they tell other people, the things they do for you or even the body language they use when they are around you.

Lasting relationships are tricky to find and hard to ignore when you find them if your taking the right steps to looking into them. All good, lasting relationships will include compatibility, intimacy, passion and commitment. If none of those elements are involved in your relationship, it's time to get out of it and find something better for you.