How to Tell If You're Pushing Your Kids Too Hard to Achieve

Take your blinders off. If you are pushing your child too hard, there are plenty of signs indicating this. You just have to open your eyes to a truth you may not want to see: You have become a backstage parent.

Of course you, as a parent, want your child to be successful, and will do what you must to help them achieve that. Just keep in mind how easy it is to start aiming for stars you want to reach, instead of those your child is interested in. If you answer "yes" to any of the five questions below, reevaluate whose success you really have in mind.

1. Does your little Beethoven despise practice? If your child cries, feigns illness or otherwise avoids practicing his or her chosen activity, that's a blinking neon sign you should pay attention to. Many parents encourage children to participate in sports, music or other interests to facilitate social skills and show them the rewards of achievement. This is an important developmental step, but there is a line that shouldn't be crossed. When your child truly dislikes an involvement, pushing him to continue can backfire, creating an association between the activity and the misery it brings. It may even cause problems in your parent-child relationship. Instead of pushing her to stick with piano lessons, work together to find a more suitable activity.

2. Does your little Michael Jordan spell "team" with an "I"? Some children are just not team players. Whether they step aside instead of defend their positions, or hog the ball regardless of other players, either extreme points to problems. Though most children learn the importance of teamwork and enjoy being a part of the whole, there are children who prefer a solo sport or activity. If your child shows one of these tendencies, introduce an activity that allows a single star, such as tennis, or one that requires no contact, spectators or group effort, like chess.

3. Do you refer to your child as "we"? When discussing day-to-day occurrences with their children, lots of parents use the pronoun "we," as in "We need to get ready for school" and "We have a doctor's appointment." It's a natural way for someone initiated into the club of parenthood to talk to others. Unfortunately, some parents go a little too far when they include themselves in their children's activities. If you find yourself saying, "We need to try harder to win" or "We could do better than that," take note that you may be pushing your personal goals on your child. You already had your chance, and living vicariously through your child just adds the pressure, insecurities and dreams of one more person for his or her little shoulder to bear.

4. Are you the only one getting that excited? Children have a strong desire to please, especially to make their parents happy or proud. Your child will usually sacrifice his or her own preferences or feelings to gain your approval. So if you're the one making the most noise from the sideline, whether it's cheering, encouraging or yelling at the referee, and your child delights more in your happiness than his own, decide who's enjoying the activity the most and make some sacrifices of your own accordingly.

5. Are you the focus of other parents' gossip? If you catch wind of stories circulating about your presence as a stage mom or a t-ball coach that are less than flattering, try to objectively determine whether there's any truth in them. Yes, people are always going to gossip about another's parenting skills or shortcomings, but some gossip is true, or at least based in truth. When the latest rumor circulating is that you spend eight hours each weekend making your child practice scales, pirouettes or curve balls, it may be a reflection on your obvious pushiness. We are often the last to notice our own bad habits, so take a look at your words and actions, or ask a bluntly honest friend.

Sometimes there's a fine line to walk when you're a parent. You want to be involved, but not suffocating. You want your child to succeed, but don't want to make winning the only measure of success. Never stop offering your child praise and encouragement, and stay suitably involved in her activities, but refrain from reaching the status of backstage parent.