How to Tell Your Kids You Are Gay

If you are a gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender person and have kids, you may have found that it can be a hard topic to broach with your children, especially younger ones. But it's not fair to you or your children to hide who you are plus it can teach your kids that homosexuality is something to be ashamed of and hidden if you do not tell them. This article will help by giving a few tips on how to tell your children that you are gay.

How to Tell Your Kids You Are Gay #1: Research

Before you tell your kids you're gay, do research. Read this article for tips, go through Google and read several websites that have similar information. Coming out to your underage child can be hard because they won't understand that much at first and you will have to explain it to them in a way that is easy to grasp. This shouldn't be something that is hard but unfortunately it is because the world still has rampant homophobia raging. Though it may be more accepting then it was several years ago, there are still several barriers that the gay population has to face and that is why it can be so hard to explain to your kids that you are gay and that it is nothing to be ashamed of when as a gay person, you still face so many hurdles.

How to Tell Your Kids You Are Gay #2: Don't Lie

It's very important to not lie to your kids. You can choose to tell them the truth in a way that is softer instead of blunt but lying to your kids outright will only destroy your relationship in the future. If you get involved with someone, don't tell them to call the person "Uncle" John or "Auntie" Judy, just tell your child the truth, that the person is someone you are dating, your girlfriend or boyfriend. Allow your child to choose what to call them (as long as it's not offensive). Don't force your child to be in a lie and explain to strangers that the person you are worth is a "aunt" or "uncle." It's safer for your child to just use the word friend which is closer to the truth (since you should be friends with your significant other).

How to Tell Your Kids You Are Gay #3: Use Age Appropriate Language

Obviously you are going to use different language on an eight year old then you would a sixteen year old. For a younger child you can say something along the lines of "I love Molly how Grandma and Grandpa love each other. There are people who think that's wrong and might even be mean to us. But it is not wrong and we just have to ignore these people. I still love you very much. Nothing has changed; you are still my number one. I am still the same person" If you want your child to get to know your partner better you can add "I want the three of us to do something very special so we can all get to know each other better. Would you like to go to the park (or something else fun) with us?" Just keep it toned in a carefree, easy matter. If you show your child that you are stressed, they may think that something is not right about you being gay.

How to Tell Your Kids You Are Gay #4: Books

Visual aids such as books can help tell younger child you are gay. After you tell them that you are gay. Read them a story. Some you might want to consider are How Would You Feel If Your Dad Was Gay? by Ann Heron, King & King by Linda de Haan and Stern Nijland, Molly's Family by Nancy Garden, And Tango Makes Three by Justin Richardson and Peter Parnell and/or Mom and Mum Are Getting Married! by Ken Setterington.

How to Tell Your Kids You Are Gay #5: Answer Questions

You can't tell your child you're gay without answering questions. That's not fair to them. They'll probably have at least one or two questions for you about being gay. Some questions may be serious, some may be silly and some may even be offensive. Just answer or redirect the question to something you can easily answer as best as you can. Having a gay parent can be hard on a child. They can face ridicule from peers and even friends. That doesn't mean you shouldn't tell them, it just means you need to answer their questions and make them aware so that they can also be prepared for some of the stuff they may face when they are not with you.

How to Tell Your Kids You Are Gay #6: Be Patient

While telling your child that you're gay can be freeing, you also need to be patient because it can unlock other issues such as how your child will feel about your being gay. They may not welcome you with open arms right away so be prepared to be patient all while offering your love as they work through the news.

Sources:

Personal Experience

http://lesbianlife.about.com/cs/families/a/comeouttochild_3.htm

http://www.armory.com/~web/gaybooks.html