How to Tell Someone to Get Mental Health Care

It's very difficult to stand idly by and watch someone suffer, yet many of us do because we find the subject of mental health care taboo. Telling a friend or loved one she should seek mental health care is a delicate matter that needs to be handled with tact and compassion.

This is not about someone who is experiencing a period sadness that was brought on by legitimate reasons. This is for someone who always experiences sadness, low self-esteem, or lack of motivation no matter what's happening in her life.

This is for the person who can't be "cheered up". This is for the person who's rage or hostility doesn't ever seem to diminish. This is for the person who truly makes you worry because you know it's deeper than "drama queen" behavior.

How to tell a friend to seek mental health care:

Clearly suggest that your friend needs to seek mental health care.

Try something like, "I've heard you talk about this many times, and nothing seems to be getting better. Maybe you should consult a professional." Or, "I wish I could offer more help, but I think you would benefit from the opinion of a mental health care professional."

Share personal experiences of mental health care.

If you have received mental health care, share that with your friend. Let her know what your apprehensions were when you started, and let her know what the outcome was. If you learned better coping skills, tell her how you benefited from them. If you were prescribed medication, tell her how that improved your life. If it wasn't you, but a friend or family member who received mental health services, relay those experiences and outcomes. Encourage your friend and reassure her that it's not as scary as it may seem, and the long-term benefits are worth it.

Approach the subject with compassion and stay on topic.

If you know someone who's clearly in need of mental health care but won't seek it, you already know how fragile that person's emotions are. It's likely that you're going to encounter resistance and, perhaps, hostility. Prepare yourself ahead of time so you're able to keep the conversation on topic. Focus on getting your friend help, even if she resorts to name-calling and threats. Do not, under any circumstance, use name-calling or threats against her as a means of coercion.

Be gentle, but be persistent.

Don't take no for an answer and don't accept her excuses for putting off taking care of her own mental health. Sure, it's expensive, sure some people feel it has a stigma attached, and it certainly takes a large commitment of time and effort. But, not seeking proper mental health care is not a viable alternative.

Remember that you're doing this for your friend or loved one's own good.

Your friend or loved one is likely to turn this into a personal attack on you, rather than focus on the issue at hand. Keep in mind that your ultimate goal is to help your friend. No matter what happens, work toward helping her see that she needs the perspective of a trained professional.

Use your best judgment as to whether intervention is needed.

It's very difficult for non-professionals to distinguish between a truly life-threatening mental health emergency and a cry for attention. The decision to call authorities is not something to be taken lightly. On one hand, calling the police means that a mental health arrest will be part of that person's arrest record for the rest of her life. You could also be adding to her stress by creating a large hospital bill for a mental health evaluation when an office visit would have been much less expensive. On the other hand, if there's nothing you can do to help, and your friend is clearly a danger to herself and others, call the authorities.

Telling a friend or loved one to seek mental health care is not easy, but sometimes it's necessary.