How to Get Through a Break Up or Divorce: 5 Stages of a Typical Mediation

Typically when you enter into a mediation scenario with another party, your mediator is trained to lead you through five stages. Depending on the mediator, you may go through each stage in sequence or you may skip around and be pulled back into the sequence. In any case, these stages are designed to have you and the opposing party reach an amicable agreement for every person involved.

One factor in determining if these stages will be followed in a linear way or will be addressed and re-addressed out of sequence depends on how many issues there are to settle. If there is one issue to determine, then quite often the stages will occur in a linear manner. For more than one issue, several sessions may have to be attended in order to address each issue.

The first stage of mediation is the introduction. This is where your mediator will explain to you and the other party who they are, their qualifications and how they will be assisting you. You will also give your background information from your position to the mediator, and the same will be done with the other party. The mediator will elaborate on the methods he or she will use to assist you and the other party to reach an amicable decision in your case.

In this first stage, the mediator is also going to let you know what is and isn't permissible in the way of behavior and actions during the mediation. The mediator will observe each party and their interaction with each other to get a feel for your needs. A mediator's objective is to get you and the opposing party to communicate and keep those lines of communication going.

The second stage of mediation will be gathering information from both sides to assist the mediator. This can sometimes happen in the first stage as well, but the real nuts and bolts will be gathered at this stage. Once the mediator has gathered all the information from each party, he or she will thoroughly go over the rules of the mediation and make sure each of you understand. If there are two different sides to an issue of information the mediator will try to assist in clarifying the information to both parties' satisfaction.

The third stage is called framing. This is where the mediator helps each side specify the reasons for wanting certain things in the settlement. Sometimes a mediator can help a party self-evaluate why they want certain things by having the mediator there to say these things out loud. It is in this stage where a picture starts to take shape of what each party wants.

Stage four is the negotiating stage. This is the time when the mediator will help the parties find a middle ground where each can feel good about agreeing on the issues. You and the other party have control over which issues you would like to address first. This depends on the specifics of your case. Usually, you may want to start with the core issue that other issues are based off of.

The final stage is the concluding stage. This is where you have agreed upon all the issues or have come to a mutually beneficial negotiation agreement. All that is left is to have the mediator draft the settlement agreement reflecting your issues.

Using a mediator can be an invaluable tool to reach an agreement without the high cost of a lawyer and court fees. It is also a lot easier to do if both parties are willing to cooperate and try to reach some sort of mutually beneficial agreement outside of court.