How to Get Through a Divorce: 5 Phases of the Emotional Divorce

Unless you are a robot, the process of going through a divorce will affect you emotionally. You will spend so much time and energy thinking about what went wrong, what to tell friends and family and summarizing your side of the story to anyone who will listen. It is a painful process from which many scars are created.

Within the emotional divorce you and your spouse will want to blame each other for the breakdown in the relationship. You will even blame yourself at times depending on the circumstance. However, many of us do not realize that there is actually a process that takes place when we experience such an emotional loss.

Experts who have studied divorce explain that in much the same way we grieve for the death of a loved one, we also grieve in a similar manner when going through a divorce. There are five phases or stages that a person experiences when grieving the loss of a relationship.

The first phase is a state of denial and/or shock. Initially our mind cannot ingest this much reality. We feel that certainly our problems haven't gotten that bad and with a little work things can get better. It is hard to accept that you find yourself in this situation, especially when you were supposed to be one of the statistics that lasted forever.

The second phase is called bargaining. This is where you try to convince yourself that you would be willing to change or do more if this process would just go away. You perform a "gut check" on yourself, going through all of your morals and standards to weigh them and see if you would be willing to amend your position.

Phase three consists of anger. This is when it really starts hitting you. You think to yourself that you don't deserve to be going through this and that you are entitled to much better. Bitterness can set in at this point and give you a "courage" to speak your mind to your spouse. Many times this is where the name calling and brining up old offenses enter the relationship. However, no matter how much you protest, it doesn't change the awful way you feel.

Phase four is guilt and sadness. Once the anger has subsided and you have exhausted yourself from it, you give in to the feelings that have lied dormant behind that anger. You may become sad or depressed at the events in your life and will look back at your life wondering how you got here. The times of dreaming of your wedding are now replaced by the awful label you feel you will have to forever wear "divorce."

The final phase is acceptance. When the tornado of your relationship has subsided and you are finally into the process of the divorce itself, acceptance will slowly make its way into your reality. You may not like what's happening but you either realize that there is nothing more you can do to save the marriage or the circumstances are such that it is useless to fight it.

Each person experiences these phases in different ways particular to him or her. For some people, certain phases may take longer to get through than others. You may also visit one or more of the phases more than once. However you deal with divorce, it is always a good idea to talk with a counselor. Have emotional support from friends and family and always try to look for the positives in your life. As with the cycle of the world and everything in it, this too shall pass.