How to Use "Time Out" Punishment Effectively

Toddlers and young children often enter a stage where they test authority. Whether it's the "terrible twos" or sometime during age three to five, parents know they're being tested. One technique for discipline in order to redirect inappropriate behavior and assert parental authority is known as "time out." When used effectively, time out can be helpful for helping a child understand his inappropriate behavior and allowing him the chance to make amends.

Time out is most effective if it is applied with certain guidelines. First, place the child in a safe place, such as sitting on a step or on a specific chair. Sending a child to his room only encourages him to play, and it gives the child confusing signals about his room. The child wonders if his room is supposed to be a place of punishment or fun. The time out step or chair is a definite place with a purpose - redirecting inappropriate behavior. (When time out is used for discipline, "discipline" becomes a word meaning "redirection" rather than punishment.)

Secondly, the child should not be in time out for longer than one minute per year old that she is. For example, six minutes is appropriate for a six year old, while two minutes is appropriate for a two year old. Children younger than two may not respond to this discipline method until they are capable of understanding that it is a consequence.

Thirdly, at the end of the time out, the following discussion should take place: the child should articulate the reason for being put in time out. This compels the child to admit to his error. It also shows that the child understands that she did something wrong. A parent can start the discussion by saying something like, "Why were you placed in time out?"

The next step in the post-time out dialogue is that the adult asks the child what could have been done instead of the inappropriate act. For example, the adult might say, "What could you have done instead of hitting? What would have been a better choice?" This gives the child a chance to come up with a more appropriate alternative. When using this disciplinary technique, it is good to empower the child in a positive way. Giving validation to his thoughts is one way to do this.

The child should then apologize to whomever has been offended by his inappropriate behavior. The words that seem to be the easiest for most children are, "I'm sorry for ____, and I won't do it anymore." Saying that she won't do it anymore reinforces to both the child and the one receiving the apology that there will be an effort to improve.

Time out can be a helpful discipline tool for parents with young children. It is not the only tool, but it can help get through those trying times, and also empower the child with appropriate language and knowledge that they are capable of making better choices.