How to Tip Your Server: What Should and Should Not Affect Your Tip

I spent three years working as a hostess and as a server during college. The work afforded me a lot of time to observe the behavior of our customers. During this time I also (often) found myself insulted or stiffed by customers who not only failed to understand basic manners and etiquette but also failed to understand the tipping process. While customers would do well to apply the Golden Rule ("do unto others as you would have them do unto you") to their behavior while dining out and their treatment of their waitress, they would do even better to apply the Restaurant Etiquette Golden Rule: "try to understand the server's situation before determining his or her tip." It is my hope that this series will help make you a more enlightened and understanding customer which, in turn, will help to make your dining experiences more pleasant.

Tipping 101

For waiters and waitresses in the United States, tips make up the majority of their income. Paychecks for servers (in my experience) usually come in at under $3.00 per hour; this is because our tips are expected to, at the very least, bring us up to minimum wage. Tipping is not optional. It is not something you do just to give a "little extra" to your waitress or to reward or punish your waiter for the service you received. For those who don't know, the bare minimum for tipping in the U.S. falls at about 10%. However, a tip for good service should fall between 15% and 20% of your bill.

Yes, I said good service. While it's extremely rude to leave no tip, tipping is one way to let a server know whether they provided good or bad service. (There are, undoubtedly, extreme cases in which leaving no tip is the only option given the poor service, but such cases should be rare.) Not all servers are the same. Some are helpful, kind, hardworking and compassionate, others are greedy, lazy, rude, self-absorbed and looking to make money off the customer without truly earning their tips. There are countless reasons to give your server the minimum tip (or less); however, there are countless slights, mishaps and mistakes that are NOT your servers fault and are, in fact, beyond their control. In the coming installments of this series I will detail some of these situations, but for now I will end by giving a brief run down of what should affect your tip.

1) Your server (significantly) messes up your order.

I'm not talking about brining you plain mustard when you asked for Dijon. I'm talking about a server bringing you chicken when you asked for beef or a salad when you asked for soup. A server should listen attentively to your order and should, ideally, repeat it back to you before leaving your table. Some customers do not like when a server does not write down the order but instead keeps a mental list of your requests. However, the quality of your server is usually what affects their accuracy, not their preference for physical or mental order slips. Usually a server resorts to the memory trick because they have advanced to a stage where they do not require a pad of paper; so don't judge their method until your meal is in front of you.

2) Your server ignores you.

Again, even this is conditional. If you are dining during a slow period and your waiter does not take the time to check on you (or even pass by your table in case you need to call him over) then they are not providing you with good service. If you have to track your server down to place your order or to ask for a refill, they are not doing their job. Dining during a rush time is a different story which will be addressed later.

3) Your server is rude to you.

Your server should not cop an attitude with you, insult you, try to "punish you" through their service or take their personal life out on you. Like any other profession, a server should be...well...professional. Servers are expected to do their best regardless of their personal life or the behavior of the customer.

As I said, there are certainly reasons to lower your server's tip; most of those reasons will fall under one of the broad categories above. However, as mentioned earlier there are many things that do not fall under your server's control and that you should not take out on them.

Look for Part Two: Rush Hour Service