How Too Much Parental Leniency Creates Troubled Teens

According to her parents Rachel Wade was a pleasantly agreeable child until she discovered boys. Or perhaps it's more accurate to say until boys discovered her. Ultimately, one boy would be her undoing and set into motion a series of events that led to Rachel serving 27 years in prison for the murder of her romantic rival, Sarah Ludemann. How does a young girl go from being a happy go-lucky child to a murderer?

Growing up, it didn't take Rachel long to discover that pretty girls have power. What she didn't know is that, the power can also be self-destructive. Too many times pretty girls fall into the belief that beauty is all they have to offer. As peculiar as it sounds, girls who rely heavily upon their looks have fragile self-esteems. The fear of falling off the social ladder is their constant companion. They resort to extensive lengths to maintain the perfect persona. Losing friends, boyfriends and social status is everything to young girls. To lose it is a fate worse than death.

To keep girls balanced they need strong values, morals and self-respect. Parents should begin teaching these to their daughters long before they actually need them; too many girls today allow themselves to be treated poorly. They need to know that they shouldn't compromise their integrity, morals and self-respect for anyone. In order for the lesson to take root, we must model the behavior we want to see in our kids.

An effective parental weapon, but poorly used one is the word no. Saying no to a child is a greater expression of love than giving in to his or her every desire. Because Rachel's parents didn't understand that they allowed her to quit school and earn a GED. By doing so they denied her valuable lessons in discipline, sacrifice and commitment - lessons that proved crucial in the years to come.

Rachel's parents found it easier to succumb to her wishes than maintain a constant battle with her. We may relent to our kids, but the entire world will not. At some point disappointment and pain will come knocking. Without the experience of managing such unpleasant emotions, kids will result to drastic actions that we've never imagined. They feel everything is out of control, which causes them to act rashly and impulsively. Having lived a life of getting her way with her parents and using her looks to her advantage, Rachel was unprepared for her first heartbreak. She didn't know what to do when she couldn't force others to behave how she wanted

Society has boundaries. If we don't impress them on our kids, how will they identify them? If they can't identify them then they will cross them. It's our job as parents to teach them how to keep their moral compass pointing to the benefits of hard work, sacrificial learning and self-control. Any other direction sets them up for a fall. Rachel and her parents learned this in a devastating way.

On a warm spring night Rachel's boundary free life imploded. She failed to see the many things she had going for her. All she saw was her inability to hold on to what she thought would make her happy. She placed the blame for her unhappiness on Sarah Ludemann rather than on her two-timing boyfriend, Josh Camacho. After months of Josh audaciously bouncing between them and encouraging the girls to fight over him, it all came to an abrupt end with Rachel stabbing Sarah and Sarah bleeding to death in the middle of the street.

Had either of these individuals had even a smidgeon of self-respect, this tragedy would've never happened. In this tragic scenario were three kids, inexperienced at dealing with conflicting, heart-breaking emotions and knowing no other recourse than to keep forging ahead in the hope that someday, somehow it would all just work itself out. That may sound ridiculous to us, but if we've never taught our kids how to cope with the pitfalls of life they are not going to know. If we always say yes to them, denying them nothing, then we are doing a great disservice to them.

Parents should never inflict intentional physical, emotional or mental harm upon their children. Nor should they allow them the easy way out. Make your child work for things in life. Insist they pay for the phone they want to trade in every six months. Give them responsibilities within the home and when punishment is handed down, stick to it. It will not be easy. It will be exhausting and painful and your child is not going to respond well. Circumstances may possibly get worse before they get better, but do not surrender the possibilities of your child's life. It is the responsibility of the parents to intervene when needed regardless of what the child wants. Yes, she may throw an award winning fit when you tell her she can't date that boy anymore. But at least she'll be alive to do so.

Sources
http://www.tampabay.com/specials/2010/audio/to-die-for-audio/
http://news.blogs.cnn.com/2010/09/03/woman-gets-27-years-in-murder-of-boyfriends-rival/?iref=allsearch