How To Transition Your First Born Into Big Brother or Sister Comfortably

When you find you are having a second baby, it can be very exciting. But also very troublesome and worrisome. Your only child, and probably babied child is going to become an older sibling. And giving up that place of the doted on only child is going to be difficult. But there are some things you can do to make that change a little bit easier on them.

Before a baby comes.
Bring them around young babies. Exposing children to young babies gives them an idea of what to expect when their own baby comes to the home. Hearing them cry, or seeing them eat will help a child understand what a baby needs and does when they are young.

Tell them the things babies do- cry, use diapers, feeding etc. Showing or telling them about how babies act will help their expectations. When we talked about my sons baby brother coming, he assumed that baby brother was a child his age or older. Not realizing that the baby was going to be young.

Teach them about babies before the baby comes. Show them videos or watch TV programs that feature babies and show what babies do. Talk with your child often about how babies act. Show them babies clothes. Using a doll as a teaching tool is a wonderful idea. Dolls such as cabbage patch dolls can be diapered, some dolls urinate, some have a hole in their mouth so you can bottle feed them. Show your children pictures of birth, and breastfeeding can give a child an idea of what to expect.

Pick up books at a library about siblings and babies. There are several good books that you can read with your child to help them adjust to the idea of having a new baby in the home.

Bring them with you to prenatal appointments, ultrasound's and let them feel the baby as much as they can and want to. My son got a huge kick out of feeling his baby brother moving. In fact when the baby would stop moving, he would poke my belly until the baby started kicking again. He really enjoyed feeling his brother moving. We explained what the heartbeat was, and how we see the doctor to be sure that his baby brother is safe and healthy.

Have them help with the baby's things. They can help fold and put clothes away, Stack diapers, set up cribs and playpens ( as supervisors). Testing out the baby monitor is a fun thing they can help with. Let them help pick out clothes for the baby, or things for the baby's room and belongings. Likewise if your older child is moving to a new room, help them pick out new bedding and some new things for their new room. It may be a good idea to buy new bedding for them so they feel included in the household changes

Show them pictures of when they were a baby, so they can identify how children grow. My son recognizes his own baby pictures, he will point them out and tell people that was him when he was little. This gives them an idea of how babies change and grow over the first few months and even years.

For when the baby is home.
Buy a gift from the baby to the older sibling. This is a sweet idea that can make an older child feel loved and welcomed. In a time when all the focus is going to be on his new sibling, remembering them with a gift can make them feel loved. If you are having guests visit after the baby is born, and they plan on bringing a gift for the new baby, ask them to bring one for your older child as well, or have a stash of small gifts on hand for your older child so they don't feel left out.

Have a doll for the older child. I bought my son several dolls that he could practice and play with. It gave him something to do while i was feeding or changing the baby. We took care of our babies at the same time.

Include your child in as much as you can. Young children can fetch diapers, or a cup of water for a breastfeeding mother. A bottle for a bottle feeding mother. Diaper wipes, toys, pacifiers and blankets. They can help pick out the babies clothes and occupy the baby for a few minute while mom takes a shower or eats.

But don't expect your older child to help. Offer and encourage, but don't say you have to help mommy with the baby. Let them decided how much they do or don't want to be included. Some children want to be included, others will hang back. Some Will revert to baby like behavior while adjusting. You must take it a day at a time to see how your child will react to having a new baby.

Acknowledge the child's feelings. If they are angry, acknowledge the anger and jealousy. Teach them a way to express their feelings about having a new baby in the home in a way that it is safe. Teaching them if they want to hit, that they can hit a pillow, or throw a ball outside. If they are sad, make sure to acknowledge the sadness and take time to make them feel loved. Allow them to express their feelings, even if they are angry with the baby. Make sure your child always knows they can come to you for comfort, no matter what.

Acknowledge good behavior with the baby. If they are helpful, act kindly, be thoughtful, behave nicely, just acknowledge it. Encourage those good behaviors.

Nursing or feeding the baby is a very special bonding moment for you and your child. However it can also be a bonding moment for the three of you. Spend the quiet time reading books, watching a movie, or talking about your child's day. Use the time to have a special moment with your children. If you are bottle feeding, or even breastfeeding, you can pump and help your older child bottle feed the baby. This will create a special moment for your children.

Spend time together with your older child every day. Just you two. When the baby is napping, take some special time to play with your older child, things that you often cant do because of the baby. Try to make it at the same time every day, establish it into your daily routine. This lets your first child know that there is a special mom and me time at a certain time every day, say after lunch. It gives them something to look forward to when they often feel left out and overlooked.

Here is a small list of books to consider borrowing or buying to read with your child.
We Have a Baby, by Cathryn Falwel.
Simple text and illustrations. What can you do with a new baby?
The New Baby by Fred Rogers.
For toddlers and preschoolers. Nice photos of families working together and sharing.
Our New Baby, by Wendy Cheyette Lewison.
Great photos and simple text for very young children.
A Baby for Max, by Kathryn Lasky and Maxwell Knight
When the New Baby Comes, I'm Moving Out, and Nobody Asked Me if I Wanted a Baby Sister, by Martha Alexander
How You Were Born,I'm a Big Brother and I'm a Big Sister, by Joanna Cole
Before You Were Born: the Inside Story and Baby Science, by Ann Douglas.
Fun science books about pregnancy and what babies are like to help prepare the big sibling
The New Baby at Your House, by Joanna Cole.
Ages 3-6. Great photos and simple discussion of what it's like to have a new baby, and older children's feelings about the baby.

Going from one to two children can be so much more difficult then having your first. You are now responsible for two children, two children need your time energy and attention. Two children who have different needs and desires. Expecting jealousy and setbacks in your older child is normal, but it doesn't have to happen. Just remember that both children will need your love. And soon enough your older child will be a pro with his new sibling.