How to Treat Infertility and Its Effects on Self-Esteem

Having faced infertility in my own marriage, I know first hand how it can effect a person's self esteem. This article will address question of how to treat infertility as it pertains to our self esteem.

Infertility places a heavy burden upon people's self-esteem, and stress arises from this negative self-image. Many men and women report feeling less masculine or feminine after a diagnosis of infertility. We often hear infertile women and men report that they feel their bodies do not work right or are defective. Phrases such as "everyone else can get pregnant" or "I must have done something wrong to deserve this" reflects how badly individuals view themselves. Knowing how to treat infertility and how it affects us on a personal level is necessary if we hope to rid ourselves of these negative images.

Unknowingly, family or friends can reinforce this image. Hearing statements like "I just had to look at my husband to get pregnant" can be very hurtful. Some mothers have told their daughters "I don't understand - I never had a problem getting pregnant". This statement, which may have meant to reassure the daughter that there cannot be a major problem because it would have been known previously in the family, only serves to make the infertile daughter feel defective or estranged from her mother. When we have an idea of how to treat infertility, these comments are more prone to roll off of our backs.

Research has shown that women going through infertility rated themselves as having higher levels of depression than women going through cancer treatment. How can infertile women rate greater levels of depression than cancer patients? We all know we can get sick, even with terrible diseases like cancer, but not that we may be infertile. I believe that infertility causes our self-esteem to take a hard knock because there is nothing in life to prepare us for its emotional blow. We grow up assuming we are fertile; most couples actively use contraception to prevent pregnancy. It feels like we should be able to control our fertility - after all we have always assumed we would control if and when to have a baby. Infertility robs us of our control and choices, leaving us vulnerable to depression and feelings of hopelessness. For the infertile partner in a couple, feelings of guilt and responsibility can arise. It is not uncommon to hear an infertile partner offer (only half-jokingly) to divorce their partner so that they can have a child with someone else.

As mentioned in a previous article, these feelings of depression and lowered self esteem are normal reactions to an abnormal situation. If we educate ourselves and have an idea of how to treat infertility, we are less prone to fall prey to the demons of depression and hopelessness.