How to Treat Mr. Big Syndrome

A few months back myself out of the "Mr. Big Syndrome" and I'm glad I did. I recommend the younger you are to get yourself out of this syndrome the better off you are. Trust me, you will be better off but I have to warn you, it's really hard to do. The idea of letting go of a guy is not easy to do especially if you're a college student. My time during college was pretty rough because I was transferring schools and trying find a good balance between school, work, and friends-and him.

But before I go on any further-what is the "Mr. Big" Syndrome? Well to give a background, Mr. Big is a character from "Sex and the City" who our main character, Carrie Bradshaw has been chasing from the first episode to the last. They've been dating off and on for five years and at some point Mr. Big gets married to another woman 10 years younger than her but Carrie is still after him. Mr. Big's marriage ends due to his affair with Carrie. Since lots of women out there can relate to Carrie Bradshaw, they think if she can wait around and get the man they want to come back to her, so can they. I use to believe in that too...

"Mr. Big" syndrome came from an article I read from Yahoo! Astrology and this author defines it the idea women have when they hold on the hope that their "ex-boyfriends will realize that thye are they 'the one.' Lovelorn women cling on desperately to the belief that their "Mr. Big" will come back to them. Marry them. And change."

I met my Mr. Big my first year in college and we started off as a friends and then by our second year we get a lot closer but then in the middle of my second year, my Mr. Big decided to date another girl. I have to admit, I was naïve and nineteen years and I didn't really know a lot about relationships but I was hurt really badly. I was mainly hurt by the way it happened which unexpected and suddenly. I found out one day I decided to go on his myspace and his status said "In a Relationship" and I told him how upset I was. But though I felt hurt, at the time I thought how their relationship wasn't going to last long and as soon as their relationship was over he was going to come back to me and realized that their relationship was a big mistake in the first place. Well, it happened. Their relationship was over and he did come back to me.

But boy, was I so naïve.

My third year of college, I transferred schools from community college to a university which was my goal and nothing got in the way of it. I remembered upon meeting with Mr. Big in my first year in college, we had different goals-one of his goals did not involve in transferring to a university. In my third year in college, we saw a lot of each other and he came over to visit me. He didn't live too far from the school I attended so the distance wasn't straining. What was straining in my third year was that I changed. I was at a different chapter in my life that I didn't feel that Mr. Big just couldn't relate to me. I told him all the things I've gone through in the first few months and no matter how much I told him, he didn't absorb it. In the first few months living in the university life, I had to look for roommates, balance my classes between school and work and friends, balance my checkbook, and plan out goals beyond college which was hard to do. But whatever I told him he didn't understand I kept telling to help me out because saying "I'm sorry" doesn't suffice.

If I knew that we were on different planes, why did I stick around? I felt despite our differences, he was going to change. After all, he was going to go through the same things eventually.

I waited for a long time to have him change and have him understand me. I felt in my third year in college, the differences between us widen. It made me sad when he did not see where I was coming from and it would be nice if you at least made me feel better rather than say "I'm sorry."

One day during my fourth year, he told me he wanted to date someone else. I got really mad at him and he told me "Look I'm happy with her. I hope you understand. Maybe someday?" But instead I told him off how I felt my time in college was a lose-lose situation because I spent so much time trying to make things with him and how it is so hard to balance school with trying to deal with real life situations, etc. And then he says "I had no idea you were so unhappy there, you never told me. You don't like UCLA?" Anyways that was how it ended. I think what made my sad moments was when he was not there for me when I needed him I let that get to me and I did not think that anyone else was there.

I hated when he said "maybe someday?" It was enough for me to believe in that for a few days. I remembered when I looked at pictures of him and his new girlfriend, I always wondered what does she got that I don't have? I wondered if it was the way she dressed was what got his attention, I thought if I drifted away from being less college student maybe I would get noticed and be taken seriously. But after a while I got over that. The solution was more I was willing to change the more I was able to find things about myself. I pictured what I wanted to be for myself so I did. Also another solution that helped was hanging out with my friends and made more friends and did the typical college thing such as going to parties that helped me get over it because I thought how I had less than 1 year to finish UCLA and I don't really have anything memorable with the friends I made at UCLA. I thought about how I wasted more than year chasing Mr. Big instead of being in tuned with being UCLA maybe that would've solved all my problems a long time ago.

Anyways I just finished UCLA a few days ago. Even though my time doing the college thing at UCLA was short, I learned an important lesson in moving on. I am sad that my time was short but at the same time I also learned this lesson is applicable in all parts of my life, for examples my current search in looking for a job. How this is applied to moving on is to take risk and not have and let anyone hold you back. I know people who do stay where they are because they feel the person they are with is going to change and I don't want be that person because they are usually not very happy with where they are because they are not with this person. But mainly it's not because are not with this person or if this person is going change--they are really unhappy because they did not move on. The worst part is they most likely don't recognize that reason.

Recognizing the Mr. Big Syndrome early on and trying to fix it will definitely make you better off without him/her. If you don't see what I mean right now, then that is fine too. Just make sure you recognize what makes you happy and what makes you sad. And also make sure when it's over then it's really over and realize that you've got other things to do in your life without him/her. Try to reconnect with your old friends, spend time with the friends you've got, find a hobby, write a little story of the things you've got through with Mr. Big (like this one because it made me realize how immature I was on relationships). Distract yourself: find a job if you need it, apply for school, go out of your town and just take pictures etc. Way more possibilities to do out there, it's limitless when you get off of Mr. Big Syndrome.

Source: Yahoo! Astrology Avoiding "Mr. Big" Syndrome