How Do Truckers and Their Spouses Manage a Successful Marriage?

How do truckers and their spouses manage a successful marriage?

Over the road trucking is difficult, and it really taxes a relationship.

Having been married before I began my tucking career of more than 38 years, I suffered a divorce soon after I began.

I attribute it to many causes, but trucking sure contributed. When a person needs the additional comfort of having a spouse there each day, trucking simply does not fill the bill. Being away from home for weeks at a time leaves a relationship more subject to additional stresses that might otherwise be managed.

When the water heater fails, or the gutter stops up in a rain storm, when a child is sick and needs care, when the dog escapes the back yard, when the bill collectors call, who deals with all these issues? Not the absent partner.

The trucker is somewhere in Omaha, San Antonio, Boston, or some other place, other than at home where the support and TLC is needed. This soon wears thin on the stay at home spouse.

Indeed, many truckers I know are either divorced, or estranged. And sadly, it seems as I hear the laments on the CB, at the lunch counter or in the drivers lounge, it seems the responsibility is always placed at the feet of the other person.

I'm sure if one listened in on the support group of the homebound partner, many of the same concerns would be mirrored there also. Counting on someone to be there, who never is, leaves a lot to be desired, and places some real heavy loads on that individual and the marriage too.

A successful marriage will always have a central theme, both partners will be strong-willed and self sufficient. My present marriage of 30 years describes just that. My wife is truly an independent woman, who would rather just handle a situation than make a call to ask what to do. She has managed a successful career of her own, and has found fun in her ability to do things most women won't tackle. Such as remodeling the house HERSELF, she fancies herself to be quite the carpenter, and know what? She is!

I often comment about her, "She does not need me, it's just extremely fortunate, for me, she wants me!"

She refuses to transmit bad news to me on the phone, unless it requires my immediate attention. And does not allow me to burden her with issues she can do nothing about. The fact I may have a bad meal somewhere, might elicit a response such as, "Well! Don't eat there anymore!" Practical solutions to mundane problems are her specialty!

For my part, since I am the one away, I make it a point to call her several times a day, but only for short conversations. I will not, nor will she tolerate, engage in conversations that are "whining sessions". We share intimate words, wish each a continuing good day, or night, and end the conversation.

Remembering to do the special little things, sending a card, buying some silly little knickknacks I might see in a truck stop I think she would smile at. Maybe leaving her a flirt note on instant messages, sending flowers a few times a year, for no reason at all pays big dividends.

There was a time years ago I arranged for her, her best friend and her Mom to be picked in a Rolls Royce limousine and taken to lunch at a very fancy restaurant. All I had told her was. "Someone will pick you up for lunch on Thursday, arrange a longer lunch with your work."

As the limousine pilled up at the front door, the red carpet was rolled out for her and the chauffer entered the building to get her, all eyes were on her. She was thrilled, to say the least. This was a great source of comfort for her. At a later time I was scheduled to be home about midnight. She asked if I wanted to eat before I arrived or her prepare something. I asked if it would be too much for her to grill a steak and bake a potato. "No problem", says she. One of the girls she worked with mentioned she wouldn't stay up that late to cook for her husband. My wife responded, "And you don't get limousines either."

I relate all that to bring home the point, care for your spouse in whatever way you can, do random acts of kindness. It will make you feel as good as it does them. And Karma says it will be returned.

But funny thing about Karma, it swings both ways, be abusive, neglectful, thoughtless and unkind, I assure it will be repaid, with interest!

From a failed marriage to a successful one took a major shift in MY attitude. Had I practiced what I preached in the first marriage, I might have still been there.

How your marriage will stand the demands of trucking, only you can determine by partner selection, and nurturing of the relationship.

If you are already in a troubled marriage, and not a trucker now, do not join our ranks if you have hopes of saving it. Trucking will probably be the straw that broke the camel's back.

Monty Rhoades is a staff writer for Truck Net