How to Turn a Garbage Scow into a Smog Vacuum

Smog vacuums are necessary objects for qualified professionals to use, given the coal dust and other toxics floating in the atmosphere. The easiest way to build your own smog vacuum is to bag a garbage scow. Garbage scows are easy to find, and bagging one with a tractor beam or by mechanical means is easier than deer hunting in urban areas. Garbage scows look like floating, giant lightbulbs and smell like garbage.

The powering device for the garbage scow is no more sophisticated than your average incinerator, however, there is a simple filtration system in the garbage scow that can be used to your advantage, and will turn the garbage scow into a neat and clean airborne golf cart, safe for retired people or teenagers to use.

First, turn off the incinerator. Even if the thing is smelly, this is the first thing to do. Unplug the giant black tube, and disconnect the red wires to the hot chamber. Sometimes, the wires are black, however, the wires still go to the flame pit, disconnect it, and don't worry about it. You might have saved some local wildlife in the process.

Secondly, you will need to clean out and sanitize the entire vehicle, including yourself. This will take at least five gallons of Simple Green cleanser or Zep cleanser and a power washer to do, and you will, hopefully give yourself a shower in the process as well.

Thirdly, the air ducts that make the thing so smelly can be reversed and used as air filters into the powering device. You will need a gallon of rubbing alcohol to clean off the screens as well as yourself, and flipping a switch will change the gadget from out-take to intake. Ignore the alien symbols, just find the green tubes, and connect them to the power supply. Then forward the alien symbols and the vehicle to national security and let the personnel over there handle it.