How to Be the Ultimate Kiss Ass

Ah, how we hate kiss asses. Yet, we do not mind having our derrieres buttered up a bit. A little waxing here, a nice moisturizing there, and before we know it we are sitting on top of the world. Are we really going to take the individual kisser with us? We like to think we would never forget the people behind the scenes, however, this is corporate america. We love to see people scratching and clawing their way to the top. They are willing to do whatever it takes to succeed, but are they truly reliable?

We are teaching our children, at an early age, the tactics of butt kissing. The real catalyst behind an early butt kisser is their competitive nature. We love winners, right? Of course we do. We tend to forget the importance of team work and friendship. I am sorry, but there are exceptionally talented individuals, middle men and women, and those satisfied with doing as little as possible. Kissing ass is a technique used by those individuals needing a little help to get where they need to go. Forget the exceptional, they stand out already. Forget the bottom feeders, they are happy with the scraps they receive. The middle groups are snubbed by both, the bottoms and tops of the food chain.

So, you want to be a kiss ass? Well, pay attention, because here are several ways to successfully start your booty smooching campaign.

First, practice your daily routine in front of a mirror. Pay close to attention to your superior's every word, absorb it like a sponge. You need to know what they like and what they expect. Make strict mental notes about their likes and dislikes, jot that list down and take it home.
Second, you need to be studious. Success does not happen overnight, solid preparation helps in the long run.
Third, do not start kissing butt after you have already given the company many years of service. Doing this gives the employers reason to believe you are a phony. A good kiss ass starts kissing ass the moment they walk through the door, including the interview process.
Fourth, ignore all the naysayers. Do not let anyone deter your ambition. So what, where will you be in a couple of years?

These are a few simple golden rules. Rules are great, but how about some examples in action.

Before you walk into your interview, a good kiss ass knows as much as possible about the company. Getting their information from existing employees, public records, rival industries, and online is crucial for your first appearance. You will not feign interest in your employer, because they know phonies when they meet them. Most people can pick up on fake behavior, so do not try. Researching a company will reflect a genuine interest in your employer. This is definitely the wisest route to take for a kiss ass.

Why? People genuinely interested in working for a company are enthusiastic. Enthusiasm is the greatest treasure a kiss ass can own, because this entirely covers up any sign of insincerity or falsity. This means your employer will think everything you do for him or her is in his best interests.

Set strict parameters for yourself and let your employer know where you stand, without insulting them. A strict parameter will leave a lasting impression with your employer. This is a sure way to build a solid repertoire with your employer. Think of it this way, you know your employer well enough, you should give your employer some insight to who you are. In short, you want to be the base of his structure. The concrete supporting his or her organization. Concrete needs to settle, you want to be in your employers mind, so when the concrete settles all he or she will see is you. That is exactly what you want.

Know your limitations! You want to accept anything your employer gives you, however if you know, with certainty, you cannot accomplish a certain task, do not accept it. If your employer is adamant, then you need to stop whatever you are currently doing to accomplish their request. Adamance means they have utmost faith in your ability, so take advantage of the opportunity presented.

Do not forget your employer's ticks. They like coffee in the morning, make sure they have coffee. They like to golf, then make sure they know you are golfing over the weekend. Now, if you know where they like to golf, let them know you will be golfing in their favorite course. See if they want to join you, this is a great way to present new ideas to your employer without anyone else noticing. Do not tell them you are golfing, until you know, for a fact, you will be golfing there. Remember the golden rule, never present an air of falsity. Or make sure you are golfing at his or her favorite course, when they are already there. Accidents can happen! So what, you stumble across each other's path. Gives you something, in common, to talk about with your employer.

Do not forget days of special meaning for your boss! How many people forget about their anniversaries, wives birthdays, children's activities, and so on? You might be amazed. Anyhow, these are great times to inquire how their family is doing and giving well-wishes. Sometimes an employer can be so wrapped up in business, they may have completely forgotten about something. You are just being helpful and courteous, a kiss ass delight!