How to Be an Unnoticeable Person

How To Go Unnoticed - The first step to being unnoticed is to not wear anything unusual. Keep yourself bland and dry. Wear grey every day, even Saturdays. Doing so will ensure your mission to being unnoticed starts on the right foot. Being unimportant looking and plain is always the best policy to being an unnoticeable person.

No Matter Your Reasons, This Is The Way

Whether your mission in life is to be the best secret agent in the world, operating completely unnoticed, or just getting away with not working and being a bum, your shortcomings remaining unnoticed, you will need to get a Taurus. The Ford Taurus is the most common insignificant car ever manufactured by the hands of man. A grey one will do best, as the drab effect it creates makes going unnoticed just a little easier. Always go one mile per hour under the speed limit everywhere you go. Make sure your registration is always up to date and renew it at least six months early. Do a pre-trip inspection every day before you leave home, to ensure nothing noticeable, like a broken tail light or a squirrel hanging from your back bumper. This will ensure no police officers will ever have a reason to clock your speed, or even notice that you're driving on their stretch of road.

How To Avoid Everything And Everyone

Any time someone attempts to speak to you, especially an attractive member of the opposite sex, look the other way and say "Hey John! How have you been?" Then just walk away from them without another word. Make sure you only do this loud enough for them to hear to avoid any unneeded attention from other humans. Once you've begun walking away make sure you continue going until they can no longer see you. You may even need to consider leaving the building or business they're in to avoid any further notice or attention.

Unnoticeability Killed The Email God

Perhaps most important to being an unnoticeable person is to never allow yourself any form of communications. Throw away your cell phone. When you get the bill for it, write in large black letters "DECEASED". You must also ensure you delete all of your email addresses. Even written communication is still attention. Attention, boys and girls, is being noticed. Our mission is almost near perfection...

In Conclusion

Finally, never date, ask questions, donate to charity, ask Santa Claus for a present, leave a tooth under your pillow, kick your neighbor's dog, or smile at any kittens.

Apologies From The Author

Congratulation, you're now an official unnoticeable person. Welcome to the club, of which you are now the only member, because I just wrote this article for attention... Sorry