How Unprofessional Content Reflects Badly on Paranormal Websites

It has often amazed me how unprofessional people can be at times. But, I truly do not want this article to be one long rant, so instead I will try my best to point out actual examples taken from the Internet. However, since many of these "points" would ultimately reflect poorly on the sites I will be referencing, I hope that I will be forgiven for not sighting my sources just this once. If you feel that your site is one of the sites that I am referencing please note before you contact me that any and all statements and points taken from websites in this article can more than likely be found on another website as well.

I suppose that I must share a little of my own background before I start, since otherwise many will wonder how I became so versed in the unprofessional attitude that appears to have run rampant on parts of the Net. To cover the basics I guess that I should say that I have worked closely with, or as a main member of, five paranormal sites. Four of which are still up and running. One I was invited to join the staff in their meetings and was helping to make decisions for the site (it is still a rather large paranormal site). Another I helped to found. Another I was invited to under the pretense of helping to establish their new forum and then ended up being brought into the entire running of the site. The fourth site I was contacted and became friends with the owner of and we ended up working together for the "benefit of the site and its members". And the fifth was definitely my most hurtful experience on the Net as I was taken in as Co-Owner and dedicated over a year of hard work to help build the site and then was booted out after it was running smoothly from my hard work. Am I bitter? No, I can honestly say that I am not. Am I wearier? You can bet the farm on it. But I think that the main thing I have learned is that people can seem completely genuine from the words printed on their site and in their mission statements. Indeed, at one time early in the sites history those words could have been meant to be followed. As you can see, I have spent years and years working closely with and for other paranormal sites and in that time I have had numerous contact with other groups on the web. Because of that contact and my experiences I have come across several sites that could use some etiquette training.

Let us start with the most obvious and work our way to the sneakier tactics I have come across. The most blatantly obvious form of unprofessional behavior would have to be the logos with an X through them. Anyone who has been on the Internet for more than a year more than likely has a group or site that they don't agree with and/or like. And that is fine, to each his own. But I know that I am not alone in saying that when I go to a site that shows signs of that dislike I am immediately turned off and the red X on the top right corner of my screen gets clicked rather quickly. The worst case of this has to be sites who not only post the banner or logo denouncing another site, but then they also have that banner or logo linked to that site. I guess that just confuses me. Why would you post a logo saying you disagree or do not like this other site/group/organization and then send traffic to them? For those sites that do have a crossed out logo, let me explain to you why it is unprofessional to display such. By publicly stating (in so blatant a manner) that you dislike the group/site/organization, you could potentially be offending visitors to your site. What if I happened to belong or really enjoy the site you so proudly dislike? You would have just lost me as a potential member. Sure, I am only one person, but chances are that I am not the only one who will turn away and not come back. And of course, there is the reason I already stated, seeing such turns off any inclination I had to look through your site. The main reason being that if I did indeed contact you and you (for whatever reason) thought that I was not "up to par", who is to say you wouldn't add another logo or banner with my site next?! I simply wouldn't chance it, not when there are literally hundreds of other sites I can visit for similar material. The second reason would be that I don't want to get involved. Plain and simple. By adding such to your site you have basically added a war flag. If I don't know you or your reasons for disliking/hating/loathing the other site/group/organization why on earth would I purposefully throw myself into the middle of your problem?

That brings me to my next point. I call them "pages of dislike". You know that you have seen them, or at least passed by one, more than likely looking the other way (which is the best way to treat many of them). They do not have to be an entire page obviously; they can be a thread on a forum, a blurb in a blog, a side text, a banner with writing on it, a scroll at the bottom or top of a page (tacky any way you look at it, even if it is there for a good cause), etc. I will grant that some of these are added for and with extremely good reasons behind them, but they are still unprofessional. I myself could add a page of dislike to my own site, but the drama lovers will be disappointed to know that that will not be happening. Will I encourage others to visit those few sites I do not get along with? Absolutely not. You will also never see a link to those few sites. But neither will anyone who does not know the story behind them know or notice that there is no link to those particular sites. Badmouthing other sites/groups/organizations for whatever reason is unprofessional. If asked about the disliked group, professional courtesy states that then and only then can a comment be made inclining toward the negative. Notice the wording though. I said, "inclining toward the negative". I did not say flat out tell whoever asks that the site/group/organization stinks and cannot be trusted. People have a right to learn that lesson on their own, but you can warn them in the nicest of terms. I know; believe me I know, that it is not always easy to not spill an accounting of everything that happened to you and exactly why that other site/group/organization should be avoided at all costs. But think of how doing so would reflect back on you and your site, group or organization. You would sound like a raving lunatic to someone who may have never had contact with the group you so dislike; or worse yet they could be a supporting member of that other site/group/organization. Professional courtesy dictates that you should reply when asked about such sites with comments such as: "I personally would not contact so and so, but the choice is yours." or "I actually know so and so quite well but I will not be contacting them again in the foreseeable future." or "I am glad that you found something interesting on that site, I never found anything of much use there." In no way did I mention what happened to me personally, I did however allude to the fact that I don't care for the other group/site/ organization without saying it flat out. Responding in such a way is the professional way of handling a bad situation, even if what you would really like to do is slander the other group until you feel better. I will add that there are very rare cases where explanations are needed that reflect poorly on other sites. There are however restrictions on this. An explanation is just that. You explain what happened or is happening without tossing out opinions on how you feel about the other. This should also only happen when the facts are so blatantly obvious that someone who ran into either site would be able to tell. One example I can think of where a page of explanation was justified was when a .org was created. One of the founders of the .org broke off and bought the .com and made the .com a completely different site (more on this further down). Obviously the .org was upset. But he did the professional thing and only stated that the .com was in no way related to the .org. He did not get long winded calling the owner of the .com this and that; even though you can bet he really wanted to. Another choice of his could have been not mentioning the .com at all and simply pushing the .org, as it is unlikely that anyone would have put the two together after visiting both.

I think many can relate to this next one, either personally or having seen it happen to someone else. This point deals with unprofessional behavior by staff in forums. This point has a few "levels" to it on the unprofessional scale. One level is downright rudeness. I've seen it to the point that the offended member left and never came back and I didn't blame them in the least. Another level is making up rules as you go. Most forums have a rules section and most are updated or tweaked regularly, regardless of what happens on the board. If you are a new forum owner I highly suggest that you look through other well established forums first and read through their rules for the forum. Most would even be willing to let you copy and use them if you ask. And yes, I know that technically you don't have to ask, as it is a public forum, but remember this article is about professionalism on the Net and that means that you ask and don't simply take (which is something that will be talked about further down this article). Adding rules after specific incidents cannot always be helped, but making rules in order to get back at a specific individual is not only wrong, but also hurts the integrity and credibility of that forum. Yet another level is condescension directed toward members. Several boards start out great, but something happens along the way of some and the members end up being talked down to or treated like children or idiots by the staff. This not only hurts the site as a whole, but also tends to make the boards a bit more argumentative as everyone is trying to appear more knowledgeable than they actually are. Yet another level would be bias. You know what I mean, the whole "do as we say, not as we do". Rules are rules are rules are rules. When a forum allows its staff to break the rules they are just asking for others to try. If there are rules to a forum that the staff can't even follow, then why is it fair to expect others to follow them?

The next point is a bit less obvious than the above three. This point is fast becoming a pet peeve of mine; especially since my site, Paranormal Corner, contacts a lot of other sites seeking permission to post articles. I contact most of the other sites personally, as I like to get to know other groups. This point is the sharing point, or lack thereof as the case may be. My site is very generous in linking back to the sites where the articles come from. I can't think of a single reason not to be generous as they were kind enough to share their information and they did all the work. I also feel that the links make a very nice trade for having all of the information in one place. But I digress, the point here is sites that have "WE SHARE" plastered all over their pages but in reality do not share. I am not only speaking about sharing their articles with Paranormal Corner, I mean in a more general sense. They simply do not share or work well with others, even though their site claims that they do. Here are some quotes taken directly off of sites that I have had dealings with and know the statements to be false:

"We decided to join together as a team to share our expertise with each other and the public."

"We are always open to working with other groups in our area and world wide."

"We strive to build on our reputation as being the group who works best with other groups."

"We work with ghost hunters from all over the nation!"

I could literally laugh out loud at the above statements since one of them replied to my request asking to post one article (only one) with: "We are not seeking to allow ANY group or website to have the permission needed in order to use our website content in any way shape or form." Now, I could have replied to that statement by firing back with quotes from their own site, but I didn't. As I said, Paranormal Corner is a professional site and as such I responded with: "Thank you for taking the time to write me back. If your situation should change, I do hope that I hear from you." Why do some sites rattle on and on about sharing and working with others if they have no intention of doing such? Well, there are several reasons. Number one would be that even I admit that I contacted the site because they did have so much posted about sharing. Most sites that I contact that have sharing statements all over their site are indeed interested in sharing and working with others. Number two is that it makes them sound and look good. Who wouldn't want to be a member of a site who shares and works with others? Number three is taken again from personal experience and that is that the site has deluded itself into thinking that they do share, when in reality they twist the definition of sharing to suit them and only them. To better define why this is unprofessional, let me share with you a statement from a site: "The group name and all things on this site are the property of ********, and are not to be copied for any reason. Do not email asking for consent to post information contained herein." True, that statement is a bit harsh, but there is no tiptoeing around the fact that they don't like to share. I didn't even bother emailing them, as they said not to. The problem with sites that go on and on about sharing when in reality they don't (and it shows) is that they are exposing themselves as liars. I know, some think that me calling them a liar is a little over done, but it is true. What else can you call someone who says one thing and then does another? (Well, ok, I can think of a few other terms, but liar is the nicest.) Shouldn't it occur to these sites that lying is unprofessional? My suggestion to all sites is that you take a step back and look through your site as someone who is cruising the Net. If you are not really interested in sharing then please help save my sanity and don't state that you are. Counter to that, if you are in fact interested in sharing your information make sure that it is stated so that I and others like me know that we can contact you. For all sites that have "we share" on them, I also highly suggest adding something stating that you would like to be contacted before the sharing is done without your knowledge.

This next "point" is rather underhanded, thereby making it unprofessional (to say the least). It also happens to be fairly sneaky. One of the main reasons some people do not agree with award pages on sites is because of a few sites that send awards to get a free link on another site. Everyone knows that they have been to a not so great site that has "Excellent Site" awards, even though there is no way that even the owner of the site thinks it is excellent. True, they could be friends of the person who started the site, but then they shouldn't have sent them an award, they should have sent them a banner or had their link added to the link page that the vast majority of sites have. When you send a site an award with your sites logo on it, you are telling everyone that you feel the content of that other site is worthy of being noticed by everyone else. When you give an award to a site that is, shall we say, "in need of improvement" you are showing that you don't really care if they are worthy of note or not, you are just out for a link back to your site. And I know that those guilty of this will hide behind the fact that just because they send it doesn't mean it has to be added to the site. And you are correct, but let me share another all too common scenario with you that makes doing the above unprofessional. Fresh bait. That is where the unprofessional aspect comes into play. A new site on the web that you either knew one of your members was making or that you just happened across. Even though not all new sites mean that the person behind the site is new to the Internet, it does mean that the person is working hard to get at least a smidgen of acknowledgement for the work that they put into their site. When "fresh bait" receives their first award from a site with all the bells and whistles (they need to add the bells and whistles in order for the new site to add their award) they can't help but be flattered more often than not. And if they are new to the Net, then they will fall victim to unprofessional, underhanded and disrespectful behavior by the group that sent them the "Excellent Site" award. It does not even matter if they only have one page that works and on that one page half the links are broken, someone sent them an excellent site award, so obviously their site is good enough, right? Err...no. Sorry, but no. Shame on those sites who abuse site awards for their own selfish reasons. They have not only turned many people against accepting and/or sending out their own awards, but they have also cast doubt on those who do only send their awards to sites that they truly feel deserve it.

Let's delve a little bit for this next one, as it is sneaky, underhanded, extremely unprofessional, rude, etc., etc., etc. if you are caught. Unfortunately it is because of that one little fact that so many feel they can get away with it. I am talking about taking content from one site to use as your own without giving credit back to the original source. Overlooking the fact that this is illegal due to those pesky copyright laws, it is also stealing, which my mother always taught me was wrong. There is never a good reason to simply take content from a source(s) and try to pass it off as your own; be it a book, website or whatever. I have known websites that were indeed sued over such, be it for a sentence, a stolen EVP or entire articles. It doesn't matter how small the content is you take, if you take without credit, it is stealing. As all should know by now, Paranormal Corner only posts articles after permission has been sought. If that permission is denied, we do not post them. Could we? Absolutely, as long as the proper credit is given along with where the content came from. But this site is only looking for content that is shared willingly. We have been asked a few times why we bother with all of the hassle of contacting each person/site individually. It is because I have had some of my own articles stolen (and the problem was resolved with little conflict) and would never put someone else in that position. I also realize that not all sites want to share. Even though this doesn't make sense to me personally, I can respect them for their choice. There is also the fact that people like to be asked. I am looking for good relationships on the Net, not upcoming confrontations because they never knew I had their article. And besides, being a writer myself I understand that most writers like to know where their material is being added and/or used. To compound this point please allow me to share with you some quotes from emails Paranormal Corner has received in response to our asking permission to post articles:

"I appreciate your asking permission." - Matt

"Thank you very much for asking and good luck with your new site." - Brenda Marble (Miller's Paranormal Research)

"Hi Jill, thank you for asking to use the articles." - John Zaffis (PRSNE)

"I do appreciate the request...most just take and then play dumb (although I suspect most aren't playing...)." - Kenny Biddle (PIRA)

As you can see, it pays to ask before using. Anyone who has work published on the web can probably tell you that thieves are a big problem. Asking before using is such a simple and small step, not to mention the professional way.

The last point that I will touch upon is one of the most despicable. This one actually goes well beyond being unprofessional, but as of right now it is not illegal. Let us hope that one day that will change. Domain stealing is actually rising as many people are realizing that buying another sites .org, .com, .net or whatever is cheap and a good way to "get back at them". Fortunately not all domain registration sites will allow this to happen because they adhere to a strange thing called ethics. Although some, when this has been pointed out to them will simply tell you that according to law, unless that other domain is being used illegally there is nothing they can do. Which is technically a lie by the way. They could close down the "stolen" domain name, they just choose not to. The worst case of this is quite personal. A .com for a site was bought out from under them before the site was finished and is currently pointed to another site. If I really need to go into detail as to just how wrong that is then you may need to go talk to a psychiatrist to see why you never learned any morals. A rough statement to be sure, but trust me that if this ever happens to you it is quite infuriating that there is little you can do. I find that the best way to handle the situation is to ignore the person and the issue. If it is brought to the attention of the public then yes, most will say that the one who sulked around and bought a domain out from under the main site is a scoundrel to the worst extent. But then there are those who would go to the other site, thereby giving them traffic and potential members as some will simply not care. As sad as that is, we all know it to be true. This point is a growing problem, not only for the paranormal community, but for the entire web and it can only be overlooked for so much longer. I look forward to the day that it is made illegal, indeed I do.

As you can see, there are several serious pitfalls of unprofessional behavior on the Net, some more noticeable than others. My hope in writing this article is that I will get through to just one person who practices an above behavior and force them to not only think it over, but also perhaps have them stop it all together. And I know that many are shaking their heads at that statement, but I am an optimist and I have learned that you can't do anything unless you try. If you are someone who does not condone the above behavior, but has been looking the other way or keeping quiet about it then I can at least hope that you will take this article to heart and perhaps share it with the guilty party. Unprofessional behavior does not only hurt the one who is being unprofessional, it hurts us all. In no way do I expect this article to save the Internet, but I do hope that several in the paranormal community will read this article and take their own personal stand against persons who act in the above-described manner(s). Do not let them take you down with them. Make a stand and stop giving those who seek to act anything but professionally members and site traffic. To all of those who already act and present themselves in a professional manner, bravo and keep up the great work!