How to Unwind, De-stress and Relax Against All Odds Everyday

I consider myself a stress expert because I get stressed; especially from work. I've worked hard to change my perspective regarding the issues that stress me out and to find ways to alleviate stress. Yoga, doing things I love like writing, keeping work separate from my life and remembering what I want from life, and inspiring myself with others' wisdom, are vital to me.

For many of us, work is where we reluctantly but dutifully go five days a week to earn money to pay for where and how we live. It's usually not the culmination of our life's dreams and not where we envisioned ourselves working 10, 20 and 30 years ago. Days are spent working on projects that we may or may not feel are worthwhile or will have long lasting positive effect. Some days there are too many hours spent dealing with snarky hostile coworkers, swallowing our pride, agreeing when we don't want to and keeping our mouths shut. We don't always succeed. We get used to a sense of unease. Life seems to be divided into work and nights/weekends. If you carry it all with you, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, you're putting in overtime that you'll never be paid for. How to shake off that toxicity so your nights and weekends are completely yours and not the bosses?

Taking care of yourself is priority number one so you can live the life you want. To relieve stress, do not:

1. Overeat and/or reach for the junk food. If you could stop at three bites, I'd say go for it. But you know, that you and I won't. We'll eat the whole pizza, another bowl of ice cream, the whole bag of chips. So instead of relieving tension, we're adding guilt and self loathing, we make the headache worse, our stomach more upset and increase the out of control feelings. We haven't gained energy or peace of mind or a fresh perspective. Our shoulders still hurt.

2. Over indulging in alcohol. Same as above, with possibly worse consequences.

To overcome difficulties in your life, including stress, you need to have resources. I've learned that a regular exercise routine, spiritual or religious beliefs and confidence in your identity, not based on what others tell you about yourself; but what you know about yourself will help you avoid and ease stress as it bubbles up.

The number one stress reliever is probably no surprise, it's exercise. We all know it, but how many of us do it? Intellectually and from experience we know that exercising gives us more energy. It provides a break for our minds, and creates space apart from the work day. Find movement you like and do it several nights a week. Dance, swim, run, walk, cycle, practice yoga, Pilates, aerobics, spin. Go outside, to a studio, to a gym, download classes, put in a DVD.

I recommend classes versus solo gym treks on the bike, stair master or elliptical. Find a routine or class that uses as many muscle groups as possible. If there's a teacher to listen to or follow, your mind has a harder time to wander and replay the triumphs and agonies of the work day. For me, yoga is the best. Its very purpose is to connect the mind and body. Practicing yoga renews and refreshes the mind and spirit, cleanses the internal organs, strengthens the spine and tones muscles. Try to schedule exercise for at least 30 minutes several times a week, either in the mornings, at lunch or after work. Make a deal with your partner if have one. Otherwise, carve the time out, it's up to you.

Please leave the Blackberry in the car. Honestly. Unless you're waiting for an organ donor to come through or your partner is about to give birth, or you're on call, leave it for an hour. Realize that other people are probably mocking your notions of self importance. Disconnect from your fears of not being available or missing something on Facebook for a time. Very, very, very few of us are in a position where we must respond to every message instantly. Choose your freedom.

Maybe you exercise in the morning before work or on your lunch break and you all ready know how valuable it is for your mental and physical health. So then, how do you want to chill out after hours?

The moment you walk out the office door, take a deep breath and exhale slowly as you make your way to your car or the train or the bus. Breathe. Stop thinking about work. Look around, be present, the work day is done. This is an active meditation.

Make time for more if this feeds you. Read inspirational passages from books for a few minutes several times a day. Stop and stretch and breathe. Close your eyes and connect with your deepest self.

You may go home to kids, spouse, homework, dinner, laundry, soccer practice, ballet classes and baths. Take 10 minutes when you walk in your door to put on your comfy clothes, wash up and breathe. Use these precious minutes to orient yourself, and then dive in enthusiastically. Whatever the kids are doing, they're why you spend the days like you do; now you're home with them. It's family, food and entertainment time. This is your life. Before you allow your head to finally hit the pillow, take a few moments again to breathe deeply and be grateful.

Some of us don't go home to a bustling family life. If you're single and crave company, then lucky you, there are so many things you can do to let go of the day, ease that tension away and be with other people. Take classes, volunteer; organize outings with friends-happy hours, dinners, walking groups, book clubs. Or revel in the quiet; take sudsy hot baths and listen to your favorite music, create art, write, read a novel a week, tend your indoor garden. There are no limits. Experiment and find activities you like to do that absorb you so fully that you don't think about work, you actually relax.

We call watching TV entertainment and look forward to when we can sink into the couch, decompress and watch our favorite shows. Be mindful of what you're watching. Are you a news junkie? Are the cable news shows making you more angry and fearful than relaxed? Observe how you feel while watching news. If it doesn't relax you, take in one news program if you must and then switch channels.

Do the crime dramas relax you or make you feel edgy? Do the sitcoms make you laugh and forget the day or do you find them so inane that you keep "watching" while repeating the day's dramas in your head? Watch something different and out of your routine. Find something that truly entertains and absorbs you. If it's not on TV, rent more movies or watch them online. Choose your entertainment.

No matter what your life consists of, after work hours, it's your life, you only answer to you. You're in control of the next 12 hours or so. I think what keeps us in stressful states is not letting go. At work we can practice letting go. Your ideas shot down? Ok, let it go, work your best with the ones that won. You have no control in this matter. You're earning your money to live the life you want. Coworkers getting you down? Hold your head up, smile and let it go. They're probably not your friends, but simply the people you work with. At work, we're usually not in control of what our duties are, when they're due and for the most part how they're achieved. Go with it. Don't fight it and add to the pains and knots in your neck and shoulders that you may all ready have from hunching at your desk all day.

If it's permitted and feasible for your job, wear earbuds and listen to music or podcasts on your computer or iPod when possible. I find this to be the best way to avoid so much anxiety at work. You don't have to listen to the overly loud person a few cubes over, you don't have to hear your neighbor's phone conversations, you don't have to be privy to the garbled musings of the annoying clique that gathers nearby each afternoon to gossip.

If the situations causing you stress aren't work related but have to do with family and home life, the solutions are the same. Find a way to create space from thinking about them constantly. Nurture your body and mind. Research how others have solved some of the issues you're experiencing, get online, you'll find information. When you begin learning how others have overcome the same obstacles you have, you'll feel more in control because you'll see a way out. Make a plan. Choose to take control of your situation.

You have more control than anyone alive regarding your health. Don't give that control away. Stress is inevitable, but how it's dealt with is completely up to us to find ways to reduce and find relief from it. Seek out what works for you and stick with it; your shoulders, friends and family will thank you for it.