How the Video Game Community Should Deal with Jack Thompson

Attorney Jack Thompson is what most people would call a jackass. What other term would you use for a man who dedicated his book against violent video games to the victims of school shootings and then-I promise this isn't made up-offered in the dedication to read the book to them in heaven?

Jack Thompson is a crusader against violent video games, in the way that Madonna's a crusader against good taste. The man considers games like Grand Theft Auto and Bully as vile and evil as anything Mark Foley's ever done, and he lobbies at every opportunity to get violent video games pulled from store shelves.

His emphasis is on overkill; rather than rationally suggest that video games may in some cases influence the behavior of a few unstable individuals, Jack Thompson refers to all of gaming as "masturbatory" and unhealthy. In fact, if you read an interview or two with the guy, you'll start to wonder whether the trial lawyer has any sense of self control at all when he opens his mouth.

So, therefore, I propose that we need more violent video games. Not for any social reason, but for the sole purpose of pissing off Jack Thompson.

Sometimes, a society needs to stand up for what it believes in, and in America's case, that belief should be "we really dislike walking spitballs like Jack Thompson." When a single lawyer takes on a conglomerate of frivolous lawsuits for the sheer twin purposes of gaining massive amounts of dirty money and a self-imposed sense of moral superiority, we can all just decide to endlessly mess with him until he shuts the hell up.

We need games that focus on the most despicable aspects of violence possible. Perhaps a kitten-shooting simulator where you use napalm guns to lob fireballs at small cats. Maybe a game called "Right Wing Xtreme" where right-wing conservatives run around naked trying to hit each other over the head with the bible. Whatever it is, we need to really come up with some games that get under Jack Thompson's skin.

It's not like I want little kids to play games that are unsuitable for their age. But video games aren't only intended for little kids anymore, and if I want to buy a game featuring two naked lesbians shooting each other with a machine gun made from the souls of Christians, I should be able to at will (provided that there's a market for such a game, which is, er, a bit unlikely).

Games shouldn't be banned any more than books. Censorship is the first step to dictatorship, and dirtbags like Jack Thompson that support it need to be put in their place.

If there's any poetic justice left in the world (it may have all been used up when Strom Thurmond's black daughter revealed herself), Jack Thompson will be carjacked Grand Theft Auto style or he'll at least associate himself with a more worthwhile and legitimate cause, such as suing small animals for defecating in the woods. Barring that, we're going to have to do something about the guy-and as a gamer, I know that fake violence is a fun and harmless way to get even.