How to Visit Relatives with Your Special Needs Child During the Holidays

With the holidays soon approaching. many young families will be visiting grandparents and other family members Spending time with family can be stressful enough even if you have "normal" children. But if you're the parents of a special needs child, it can be even more of a challenge.

Too often well-meaning relatives give uncalled for advice when they see a special needs child misbehave at a family gathering. What's more, they make the parents feel even more insecure. Some families with autistic children, as well children who struggle with Downs Syndrome and other disorders, elect to stay home and not make the holiday trip Grandma's house or Aunt Susie's. This increases their isolation, adding to family depression and stress.

How can you survive the holidays if your child is handicapped and hard to manage in front of family? It's not an easy task, but with a little preparation you can have an enjoyable visit, as well as create holiday memories. Here are a few suggestions for remaining sane.

Be flexible----If you're not sure how well the visit will go, you should be flexible as far as how long you'll stay at your relative's house. If at all possible, drive instead of fly. This way you won't have to worry about your child having a meltdown on an airliner. What's more, many cheap internet airline tickets don't give your money back if you want to change your ticket. Or if they do, you'll have to pay almost as much as the price of the ticket to change your plans.

Prepare your child----Long before you leave for your trip, practice good manners with your child. Let him know what you expect of him in the way of behavior. It's also beneficial to offer rewards if he does do a good job. With many special needs children, such as autistic kids, you need to constantly reinforce what they're doing right. For example, if he sits still for five minutes, praise him, handing over a small cracker. Try and emphasize positive behaviors, rather than negative ones. This is not to say you don't discipline him, but focus on what he's doing right more than what he's doing wrong.

Plan rest periods----Special needs children often tire out more than other kids. If you see your child is over stimulated, playing with his cousins, then take him aside and say, "It's time to rest."

Educate your family----Instead of just trying to tell your family about autism, down's syndrome, or attention deficit disorder, mail them CDs, books, tapes, or articles that help them understand their your child's disorder. Too often, grandparents and other relatives just think the parents aren't strict enough with their unruly child and give their "two cents worth" as to how to discipline him (or her.) And, of course, talk to them, too, about your child's disorder, as well give them materials to read or view.

Take along all essential equipment----Besides the essentials, such as medications, take along comfort items so your child feels more secure. Sometimes, just taking along a favorite toy or blanket will calm down an otherwise anxious child. Also, take toys that occupy your child for a long car ride, such as small games and books.

Lower your expectations---Let's face it. Your trip probably won't be perfect, regardless of how much you prepare. If you're unrealistic about the visit, you'll probably be disappointed. Do the best you can to make the visit with your relatives as smooth as possible, but realize there will be some challenges.

Find a quiet space----Once you've arrived, find a quiet room or space where you can go to help your child calm down if he does get anxious or overexcited.

Finally, try to relax. If your ches you're uptight about the visit, you'll only add to his anxiety. You want your visit to be a positive experience, and not one that adds to his insecurity.