How Do I Want to Be Loved?
"Try a Little Tenderness"
Men and women can think very differently in terms of dating and when they are not on the same page someone walks away angry, disappointed or feeling used. I have heard many generalizations such as men fall harder in love while women fall more openly and frequently in love. The hardest part is in knowing when sexual encounters don't equate to the love desired to be achieved. I have been told women form soul ties when engaging in sexual intercourse which makes it hard to become unattached when a part of you has bonded with a person. This is very profound and looking back on times I have found myself heartbroken when I re-examine the situation it wasn't about love at all and basically I was living in a fairytale created inside my mind. I am not seeking a textbook definition or living for the Cinderella fairytale in which prince charming comes along to offer a perfect and ideal relationship. Overall, I simply miss the innocence of puppy love and I realize I am no different than anyone else in desiring to be loved and appreciated.
Teena Marie once sang in her song Young Love "I remember promises, The way I'd feel when we'd caress; I can't imagine where young love went wrong." The constant question throughout her song is "Young love why you want to grow old on me?" In today's world of relationships love becomes old quite quickly especially with all the stipulations that have been placed upon it. Today's prospects of love ask immediate questions such as: How much money do you make? Are you college educated? What do you bring to the table? What are your goals/ambitions? Can you satisfy me intellectually and intimately? While all these questions are valid on a first date it can be perceived as a job interview and a complete turn off. The thing that is so beautiful about young(puppy) love is that is not jaded and willing to give someone a chance based on the present while paying little to no attention to heartbreaks of the past. The past is a great teacher but sometimes it's better to unlearn some experiences and welcome a wonderful new possibility. Idealism has caused many to search for something on a pedestal that the average person can hardly reach. A friend of mine once told me that you have to date on your level meaning if you want the cream of crop you must meet or exceed your own expectations. My friend's words have left a lasting impression on me and I often ask myself, "Is the reason that many of us can't find love because it means accepting it in its all joy and vulnerability not because it's impossible?"
The answer to what love means is relative to the person you ask. Some say love is the most beautiful feeling or emotion one's heart can experience. Others might say love it is just a four letter word that I have accepted that I will never find. No matter what the answer to love's meaning may be it is something that many spend a lifetime searching for. The prerequisite before looking for someone special is loving the person in the mirror and remembering to constantly check in with who you are whether you are in a relationship or not. In the past if I was asked the question, "How I want to be loved?" I would be utterly speechless because I had no idea. However, at this moment I would have to borrow from the lyrics of soul singer Otis Redding and say to my suitor with all due respect please "Try a little tenderness.", if and when you decide to love me. I also request love to humble and allow me to appreciate the tenderness and beauty in its true and uninhibited state. Overall, I can only expect from love what I am willing to give.
Published by A.M. Morgan
A.M. Morgan is a New Orleans native who enjoys creative writing and the performing arts. View profile
How to Love a Black WomanThis article is a brief overview as well as reflection of the book How to Love a Black Woman by Dr. Ronn Elmore. This is intended for the man who wants to love his nubian queen...
When Your Family Doesn't Understand Why You Want to Be a WriterCertain careers-such as writing-aren't known for stability or income, and although they are simply trying to do what's best, it can be frustrating when your family doesn't under...- Do You Want to be Buried, Cremated - or Pulverised?A Swedish firm has patented a new method of disposing of bodies. They are to be pounded flat after freezing.
What is Happiness?! Autobiography and Essay by Scientist and Deep Thinke...A combination of analysis and personal experience, this essay / autobiography delves deep into the nature of happiness, the pursuit of Happiness, and hopefully will help the rea...- Show Me How to Be Your WomanLuci knelt down beside her bed on the eve of her wedding and asked the Lord to show her how to be His woman, for she knew if she could please God, she would please George.
- Fixing Broken Lives: Young Women Turn to Pills and Therapy to Battle Anxiety
- How Do You Want to Be Remembered After You Die?
- Do You Want to Be The Woman Men Adore and Never Want to Leave?
- Treating Others How You Want to Be Treated
- Teach Me
- What is LOVE?
- You Can Not Help Someone that Does Not Want to Be Helped
20 Comments
Post a CommentGreat Write. Ture love can only be found through time. I really agree that When first meeting someone you may have some questions but you don't want to badger them. Besides a person can tell you anything. The only way to really get to know someone and determine if you are really suitable for each othe r is to spend time with that person, to see how they react to certain situations etc.
What a beautiful article! For me I would be happy if I found someone who wasn't addicted, violent, or preverted. How sad is that?
Beautifully written. I knew I was in love with my husband when I tried to picture my world without him in it. I couldn't do it because I knew my world would be as sunny, wouldn't have as much laughter and I wouldn't feel as cherished as I do in this world with him in it. It was hard for me to accept that I loved him, because like many I had many hurt and was fearful. But once I did life was just easier.
Well done...I think most people mistake love for a feeling. I view love as an action...something you do...therefore it isn't limited by or dependent upon what other's do.
Love stinks. Great effort- trying to figure it out.
Love, in line with the artist Musiq Soulchild, taken in vain many times. I think over time, like so many other qualities of life, the logic or concept of love has been skewed. With the inception of so many other contributing life factors, some have started divesting love of its fundamental structure and applying segments of all the new visceral submissions present today. Love has evolved and transformed with the people, adapted to societal advancement, and pissed a lot of people off in the process.
I agree with your statement that "the answer to what love means is relative to the person you ask." Personally, I don' t believe that you can genuinely love a person today and not love them tomorrow. To me, love is much more than a feeling; it is a powerful, spiritual connection that you have to another human being - one that transcends time and space. If you have ever truly loved a person, you will always love them - no matter how many miles separate you, how many days, months or years have passed since you last communicated or what the status of your relationship is with them. The flames of lust burn out, but love's light shines eternal. Once two souls connect, they will forever be connected. It takes a great deal of maturity, commitment and faith however to enable this connection to manifest in a long-term relationship. This is where the real challenge of love lies.
Beautiful article and opinion, love to me is growing each day, becoming a better me, and the person who inspires me. I am loving, and I guess I love you today! Thanks for such an inspiring article and the pondering thoughts I pull from it.
WOW. How can you say anything but that? I have often thought about how love manifests itself differently in different people. I wonder what life experiences have lead people to feel the way that they do about love. I have comptemplated the expression and evaluation of love between different people. The only thing that people have in common is that we are all unique, so everyone will deal with love differently. I find your expression of what love means to you in this stage in life to be refreshingly candid. I can only hope that your desires can befulfilled by someone who love ideals are simular to your own. Thank you for a great read.
Wonderful piece and so much truth and wisdom here.