How We Cope with Grief and Loss

One habit that we humans are burdened with is the tendency to rely upon certain worldly sources for our sense of well-being and security. If a spouse is treating us well, if we get the job or the raise, if our team wins the championship, then we are happy. These are fairly generic examples, but they point to a key reason why the pain of loss can cut us so deeply: we end up grieving not only a certain circumstance but also the empty spaces in ourselves that we had sought to fill with it.

Grief and loss are related to our minds' identification with the world of forms rather than with the force of life that underlies everything that exists in the world. When we're identified with the outward forms, it can be agonizing to watch all that we hold precious die and/or disintegrate with time. But when a person is instead identified with the underlying spirit or life force, then he or she can know the profound fullness of each moment; indeed, the present is so full that there is no room for any kind of morose nostalgia for experiences that have come and gone.

Grief is abetted, then, by the mind rather than by the soul. The ego has the tendency to exacerbate it because of its attachments. No one should minimize the pain of loss or try to explain it away, but we should be aware that we experience these feelings as being much more devastating when we're looking to the physical world as the one true source of joy and nurturing.

We do this when we don't feel a connection to a higher power or spirit, whether we should choose to call such a phenomenon God or Goddess or any number of other names. Without a connection to God, we are obliged to try and draw energy and satisfaction from the manifest world in lieu of any access to the source. Only when the real root of our separation has been encountered can any true and lasting healing from grief and bereavement begin for us. Many traditional methods of therapy make a fine dance around this step, and patients as a result can end up mired for years in issues that are anything but the crucial issue. It is very difficult for the average person - and for society at large - to simply say, "the problem is that we are not in touch with our Creator".

God does not want us to dwell in the places of our sorrows, losses and traumas. But these places can very often serve as the only doorways through which He can enter.