How We Kept Our Marriage Together Despite Kids and Conflicting Work Schedules

I don't have a lot of things I brag about. But, one thing I am definitely proud of (besides my kids) is, in world where divorce seems likely, my wife and I have managed to stay married for almost a decade.

I won't say things have always been easy, because they haven't. Like most couples, we have had our ups and downs and our fights and there have been times when being an actual married couple (rather than just parents) seemed impossible.

One of those times was when my wife ceased being a stay-at-home mom and went back to work. This was something we were hoping wouldn't have to happen (mostly because I know she enjoyed it). But, because of money, she had to find a job. And, unfortunately, her job has her working crazy hours that are often the opposite of what I work and, as a result, we have a very limited amount of time when we are together.

This, plus the fact we do have two kids, did create a major strain on our relationship; to the point there were times when I thought for certain we would be one of the many couples who would not make it. That is, until we made an effort to plan our lives better by taking some steps.

First, we found some common time for just the two of us. This wasn't easy and it often isn't much more than an hour a day. But, we make the most of that time. For example, my work is pretty flexible about when I take my lunch so, on days when she goes into work later, she leaves an hour early and I meet up with her at a pre-determined restaurant for lunch. It's a great way just to have a conversation without the kids screaming in the background.

We also try to find time each night, even if it's just for a half hour, to sit on the couch and watch a movie together before bed. Half the time we're already dozing off. But, it's still nice just to be able to curl up under a blanket together, even if all we end up doing is falling asleep.

Second, we started penciling each other into our schedules. Before she started working, we would have a date night together at least once a month. This was made easier by having parents who were willing to watch our kids overnight. Once she started working though, that became much harder; both because she normally works weekends and because my parents have our youngest daughter all week and aren't overly anxious to have the kids on the weekends as a result of that.

We still don't get a monthly date night. But, we are doing better than we were because we started picking weekends when we would take off from work; and not just taking off when we already had plans. We also try to have one of us take off from an extra day so my parents can get a break too and are more willing to keep the kids. We did this a couple weeks ago and it was the most fun we've had together in a long time.

Third, when it came to our "bedroom" time, we learned short is better than nothing. Hey, we love having marathon love making sessions too; who doesn't. And, when we do have our date nights or actually have some random time off together, we do take advantage of that extra time to, well, be a little more creative and fun.

But, we also learned that sexual tension and frustration can really create some problems; especially when combined with stress from work and kids. So, at least once a week (sometimes more), we go to bed early, skip the bells and whistles and help each other eliminate that tension. Believe me, our marriage is definitely better as a result and we still have something extra to look forward to when we have a night alone without the kids.

If you and your spouse are finding it hard to keep your marriage together because of all the distractions in your lives, try these three things. I'm glad we did.