How to Win Any Argument Without Blaming

First, blame yourself. This may sound odd, but you will gain a big advantage by blaming yourself. Rest assured, your opponent is going to blame you. By blaming yourself, you will have a better idea of what's going on in your opponent's head, and will be able to anticipate the things he or she says.

Now your instinct will be to blame yourself, decide the reasoning is weak, and then go on to blaming the opponent. This doesn't do the trick, and only hurts you. Your opponent won't stop there. You need to go through the reasoning and blame yourself, even if it does seem invalid.

You'll be surprised how many times you'll blame yourself, think it through, and then realize that your initial thoughts weren't as correct as you thought. You can't always be right, so this step will help you realize when you're wrong. You haven't argued your side yet, so you can quietly back down without losing face. Part of winning every argument is not taking place in arguments you're going to lose! It's important you think this through before arguing; otherwise you'll be locked into your position and cannot back down without losing face. (Ethical side note: If you realize you are wrong, at any point, please stop arguing.)

Finally, by blaming yourself, you can better consider (and of course refute) what your opponent is saying.

How to Win Any Argument Without Blaming Tip #2: Don't Talk, Listen

In too many arguments, one side says something, then the other side says something else, and then monologue circles into oblivion. This doesn't work, so you won't do this.

Instead, you won't talk at the beginning. Your opponent has some points in his or her head, and will want to express these points. Until the person has expressed these points and believes you understand them, that person will not listen very well to your points. Nor will the person accept your points, regardless of how technically correct you are.

So listen. Listen until your opponent doesn't want to talk anymore. Find out everything they think. Ask questions, but make sure these are genuine questions to gain more information, not challenges disguised as questions. Aside from calming and disarming your opponent, your listening will give you a great deal of information on your opponent. You can use this information to better form your argument.

Also, reiterate the person's points often. This will show you that you're listening, which will cause them to better listen to you. Also, it will show that you understand the person, which makes your arguments appear stronger (in fact, understanding your opponent's arguments probably truly makes your arguments stronger).

Finally, agree with your opponent as much as you can. If necessary, find the most insignificant thing to agree with. Once you agree with them, they'll be more likely to agree with you. The more of your opponent's points you can agree with, the better.

How to Win Any Argument Without Blaming Tip #3: State Your Case, But Not Too Soon

Once the opponent feels heard, you've agreed, and the opponent realizes you understand where they're coming from...then, and only then, should you start stating your case.

It's probably wise to repeat their points that are relevant. Say how you understand where they're coming from. You just want them to see where you're coming from. The more you can integrate their words and their points in your case, the more your case will feel like their own. This will help you "win".

How to Win Any Argument Without Blaming Tip #4: I think

Try to stay away from "I think..." statements. These words water down your points, and can easily be refuted with an opposing "but I think..."

Finally, try to genuinely care about what the opponent has to say. You can't fake this, nor can you fake the listening and the understanding. The best way to win an argument is to genuinely care what the opponent has to say, truly consider it in your opinion, and then form your opinion accordingly.