How to Win a Pop Warner Cheerleading Competition
2) Your cheers should really just be long, drawn-out chants about how great your team is. Good phrases to use are "this is our year," "we're better than the rest," and make sure you say your town, your team mascot, and spell out at least one of them. With any luck the judges will be so bored they'll zone out and miss some of your mistakes, like that stunt you always drop during practice of that girl in the front who can't do a decent toe-touch.
3) Make sure your music is loud as hell, and starts off startling the bejesus out of the crowd.
4) Cram as many songs into your mix as possible. Don't forget to include a hopped-up dance mix of a beloved classic rock ballad.
5) Call yourself the champions, even if your team has never won squat.
6) Wear big, colorful bows that don't match your uniforms.
7) Wear fancy bloomers. Shiny spandex-like material is hot, so is leopard print. Don't worry about them matching your uniforms, it really doesn't matter. You should try to call as much attention to those preteen bottoms as possible!
8) Wear makeup. I know the rulebook says you're not supposed to, but come on, the judges want the girls to look good, and a little blue eye shadow isn't as noticeable as that enormous zit on Judy's face.
9) Make sure at least one person in your cheering section has an air horn. Everyone loves hearing those things, and it'll really call attention to your huge fan base. Cowbells are great too, everyone can use more cowbell! The cheering section's job is to annoy the hell out of everyone else in the stands.
10) Forget eating and sleeping, they're not important. You need to keep them up late practicing and doing their hair, despite how early they need to get up the next morning. As for eating, breakfast is fine but don't let them eat in uniform, cheering on an empty stomach might not be fun, but you need to keep those uniforms clean and free of any pizza or nacho stains.
11) Be sure to throw in at least one illegal stunt. Forget the rulebook; the judges will be so happy that you mastered an extended teddy bear that they won't even remember those silly rules!
Published by Allison
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11 Comments
Post a CommentWoow! this is so lame! I'm an MCS Bulldogs midget cheerleader & trust me this is all wrong!
first of all i cheer in florida[jacksonville to be exact] and you guys need to stop writing these smart remarks to this girls very sarcastic tips.And she is right about the music part,you don't want the top row not to be able to hear your music so make sure its loud.as for the make-up ,thats a no no.and you can call your selves champions becuase it builds your girls confidence and a tight routine with confident girls looks so good together.the air-horn is a nice thing to have in the crowd especially if not that many of your fans are at the competition, but be sure the tell the fans not to blow it during the routine just in case they don't know.Every thing else is basicly wrong but it was a funny article.
Yeah of course they're gonna take it seriously..?? Why would you write that and not expect someone to really defend themselves? Maybe you should have just kept your mouth closed. I guess it's a BIT funny but not something worth writing about. (Especially since you are a "writer".
P.S. you're just bringing yourself a little lower than you already are :/
I hope your not serious. How can you not realize this is supposed to be humerous. "turn this nasty little letter over to Pop warner and have it traced" LMAO that was a good one!
My team has made nationals forever, and yeah this is all wrong and a bunch of ways to lose, but it was funny. Sorry you guys obviously aren't confident enough in your programs that you can't understand humor.
For someone who's been involved in Pop Warner fro 20 years now.. I've seen EVERYTHING and more be done on the list..
I'm glad SOMEONE sees the humor in this.. I sure do :oP
I thought this was hilarious. Wish I had written it myself!
Wow guys, I can't believe you thought I was being serious. Hello, I was a Pop Warner cheerleader, and my team did place. For the past two years I have been to Pop Warner competitions to see my sister's team compete. They followed the rules, but some teams didn't, and others were just plain annoying. This article is supposed to be sarcastic, I didn't bother to mention that because I figured people were smart enough to figure that out.
I cannot believe the previous 2 comments are serious. Do you not see the humor in this post. You put the DUH in dumb!
My team has made nationals for the past three years and everything Dr. D is saying is correct. It is about spirit, and they even have awards for the teams that help other teams out! They Do watch for illegal moves and they DO take points off. They Do see the makeup and are totally against it. As for colors, ours are black, white and red, and we have one four titles in nationals, so you really do not know Pop Warner and what it takes to win.