How Wise Are You About Solving Family Problems?

Family problems can be some of the most difficult and misunderstood situations that you deal with in your life. Here's a chance to test yourself about some of the more difficult family problems that may arise.

Wise parents should always let siblings settle their own quarrels. This is not true, parents shouldn't always let children settle their own quarrels. They should step in whenever there's danger of a child being injured and they should interfere in the interest of establishing peace and better understanding. They should teach through example the great art of negotiating.

Children who are close in age tend to fight less, so if possible, parents should space children one or two years apart. I know from personal experience that this is false. According to Burton White, director of the Center for Parent Education in Newton, Massachusetts and author of "The First Three Years of Life," the most common reasons for children's fighting is an age difference of less than three years. Children fight less if there is a four or more years difference in their ages.

The birth order of spouses is important in determining how happy the couple will be. This is usually true. A husband and wife who were both firstborns are apt to have conflicts because each is used to being in control and making decisions. If both husband and wife were older siblings, they may have problems because no one seems to be in charge. Generally, it helps marital harmony if a person marries someone in a complementary position as far as birth order is concerned.

Birth order can determine political choices in later life. Yet another statement that has been proven true over the years. Firstborn children are apt to be more conservative in many areas, including politics, than are older-siblings who tend to be more relaxed, gregarious and liberal in their attitudes.

Generally speaking, adolescents in single parent families do better if that parent is of the same sex. This is a time when youngsters are trying to establish their sexual identity. Adolescent boys do better if they have a strong male model with whom they can identify and adolescent girls are generally better off with the mother.

Most healthy elderly people enjoy having their adult children make major decisions for them. Nothing could be further from the truth. Unfortunately, many adult children treat their elderly parents as if they were children, but most senior citizens don't want to be patronized nor do they want decisions to be made for them. They want to be treated with the love and respect they deserve and they want to maintain their independence as long as possible.

Marriage as an institution is going out of style. Although it may seem this way, this is simply not true. More people marry than in the past, and they marry more often. In fact, repeated remarriage is a growing trend. According to Dr. Clifford Sager, director of family psychiatry at the Jewish Board of Family and Children's Services in N.Y.C., today we see more short-term bonding, with an increasing number of men and women going through serial marriages.

There's no clear-cut rule to let parents know how permissive they should be with their children. False! There are some clear-cut rules and one of the most important is if what the child wants to do is constructive, allow it, if he wants to do something neutral, allow it, and if he wants to do something destructive, say no and let him know you mean it.

Sources:

Sulloway, Frank J. Born to Rebel: Birth Order, Family Dynamics, and Creative Lives 1997

Wallace, Meri Birth Order Blues: How Parents Can Help their Children Meet the Challenges of their Birth Order 1999