How Work Can Define a Person's Identity

I think that work defines a person's identity in a number of ways; or, at least it can play a significant role in defining one's identity. Work often provides one with a sense of purpose or mission in life. A reason to get up in the morning and face the world. In addition, work is - for most of us, at least - the principle means by which we earn money in order to provide ourselves and our families with housing, food, medical care, clothing, education, and, leisure activities. Unless one happens to have inherited vast quantities of money, one will most likely need to work in order to survive. And, work defines one's identity often in social settings: When we meet someone new the first question asked is often, "So, what do you do?" Meaning, what is your work? Very often, many of us create our own definitions of others that are deeply connected - rightly or wrongly - to our own biases and emotional baggage surrounding our thoughts of their profession. Consider what images the following vocations conjure: attorney, doctor, university professor, sanitation worker, bus driver, dog walker, car salesman, etc. Often the world around us is busily defining each of us by their preconceived notions of people in our profession - again, rightly or wrongly. Sometimes we internalize another's definition of a director or writer or professor or waiter, whether we are aware of doing this or not. Some professions are instantly respected while others are just as instantly disrespected or looked down upon. Given the pervasive nature of these sorts of snap judgments (Malcolm Gladwell writes about this in his fascinating book, Blink) they can be hard for many of us to resist embracing.

That said, I'd like to share one final thought on this whole question of work defining our identities. A few years ago, while getting to know a woman who is now a close friend, she was questioning me about my work and some other activities. The nature of my responses led her to remark at one point, "You sound more like a human doing than a human being," a comment that I found very provocative, indeed. You see I was defining who I am simply by sharing things that I had done or was doing. Her comment illustrated that I was omitting things that I am passionately curious about or things I deeply appreciate in my life or any number of other indicator's that aren't centered around deeds so much as around an ethic or ideal or an inner life. Since then, I've resisted, to some extent, the notion of my identity being defined by what I do for work and tried to foster a broader sense of my identity that includes important relationships in my life, values, passions, ethics, and, ideas. For instance, my stances on important political issues of the day are, I think, more revelatory of my identity than is my work.

In thinking about work-related duties for men and women that have remained the same over the centuries, I think first about maintaining the household. While in some households there have been some progress toward a greater sharing of household responsibilities between men and women, it seems to me that there remains a bias toward keeping (allowing?) women in more of a central role in this arena. Some of this, I imagine, has to do with how we were raised. What patterns and role models did we grow up watching? I know that in my childhood household my father almost never did any cleaning, with the sole exception of cleaning the garage or the basement once a year. So, the script I learned as a boy was that the women cooks and cleans. This is a script I've had to unlearn, for in my current household that is simply unacceptable to both my wife and to me. In some areas, this writing of a new script is very easy - such as in cooking, which is something I enjoy and do well; but, in the area of cleaning, it's significantly more difficult. I've learned that my wife Gloria and I simply and quite literally don't see things the same. I am all-too-capable of walking into a room and not noticing the dog hair gathering there in the corner. Gloria will see that instantly. Our compromise? We hire a service to come in once a month to clean the entire house and we both try to do our best to keep up with the day-to-day maintenance in between appointments. I'm better at keeping the kitchen clean and Gloria is better at keeping the household linens laundered.

A work-related duty that has remained the same for men over the centuries (although even this is beginning to change slowly) is the work of war. Although there are more women than ever in the United States military these days, there are still relatively few women who are combat soldiers. That duty has been the province of men for all recorded history.