How a "Work Spouse" Can Threaten Your Marriage

The term "work spouse" refers to someone of the opposite sex who you work with in which you develop a close platonic friendship. These days it is common for men and women to work closely together. Therefore, it is not unusual to develop a close relationship with one of your opposite sex co-workers. Very often these relationships resemble a marriage. There is an intimacy level that is not there with other co-workers. You share thoughts and feelings. You support each other at work beyond what would be considered normal. You share inside jokes, and fellow co-workers may even speculate as to whether or not your relationship is strictly platonic.

Although these relationships can be harmless, they can cause problems in your marriage if you have a spouse who does not understand the concept of having a "work spouse". Problems can also arise if your work spouse begins to take priority over your relationship with your husband or wife.

When Casey formed a work spouse relationship with a co-worker, she had no idea that her husband would feel threatened. She had no romantic intentions toward the co-worker. Their common job interest and the amount of time they spent together on the job led them to form a deep friendship. When Casey sat down and talked with her husband, she realized his reasons for being upset. Casey had worked in her office for 5 years, but had never worked any overtime until she formed the work spouse relationship with her co-worker.

If you or your spouse have formed a work spouse relationship with a co-worker, here are some warning signs to be mindful of:

-You had rather spend time with your work spouse than your actual spouse. If you find this happening, pay close attention. It indicates that you are dissatisfied with something in your marriage that you believe may be found with this other person.

-You risk your own job by doing your "work spouse's" job for him or her. This shows that you are willing to risk your own future in order to help out your co-worker.

-Your co-workers do not believe that you and your work spouse are just friends and co-workers. Very often the gossip mill will start. You may need to ask your co-workers what they are seeing. Perhaps they are seeing something that isn't there or perhaps they are seeing something that needs to be brought to your attention. If your co-workers feel excluded and believe you and your work spouse have formed a clique, this can cause problems in the workplace.

-If you find that you had rather be at work than be at home, this is a huge warning sign. It is a sign that you are stepping outside of the workplace boundaries if you want to be at work just to spend time with your work spouse.

-If you find yourself discussing problems in your marriage with your work spouse, this can also indicate a looming problem. Bringing a work spouse into your marital issues is never a good idea, because it sets him or her up to be sympathetic to you without knowing the full story. You may begin to see your work spouse as a source of comfort when your marriage is in distress.

Having a work spouse can be a wonderful addition to your life as long as you keep the relationship within the proper boundaries and do not exclude the other important relationships in your life. Keep your eyes open for the above warning signs.